Of Renegades and Jedi
by danieloquence
Summary: The story of two padawans who escaped the Temple siege, left with only their lightsabers and each other to search for the remaining Jedi Masters. But would they ever reach that goal?
1. Fear

**Of Renegades and Jedi**  
_a Danakin Skywalker original_

_((**Author's Note: **If a Star Wars story that surrounds an author's original characters rather than George Lucas' frustrates you, do not read this fic! While _original characters are involved_, this story surrounds the life of Jedi Padawan Keelee Sarai, who escapes Anakin's siege of the temple. Obviously, the places, people, and all else that is original Star Wars do not belong to me. Do I always have to say this? It's FAN-fiction, people._

_**Do enjoy, and review, if you are so inclined**.))_

………………………………

The sound of my bare feet slapping against the streets of Coruscant echoed through the empty alleyway. I was alone – dreadfully, hopelessly alone on a planet, a _universe_ I knew was changing. My heartbeat was much faster than it should've been, but I didn't notice or care.

After what felt like _days _of running, fatigue finally reached my senses. I collapsed to the ground, forgetting the calming, breathing techniques that Master Yoda had taught me from the time I was small. I scratched desperately at the cold, hard ground with my small hands, begging it just to swallow me whole.

I had just seen _him_. My hero, my inspiration, and the man I had envied in secret – I had just watched my twin brother Keeloh fall at _his_ hands...

Anakin Skywalker, the man I wanted to grow up to become just like, had _slit his throat_ – with his _lightsaber_. The image had been burned into my brain, ugly and disturbing, and it haunted me – playing and re-playing like a disgusting holo-drama. Tears sprang into my green eyes as I gasped for air. It was no use, because I didn't _want_ to breathe any longer. I wanted to hunt Anakin down, yell at him until my heart spilled out of my chest, and then expose my tiny neck so that he could kill me, too.

But something was not right. It was not right at all, anyway, but something did not settle in me. Before I had fled the temple, away from the men in white armor, and away from the black-hooded creature that had once been my beloved friend Anakin, I had seen a tear rush down his cheek. Confusion, fear, anger, and torment flooded from his very being. I sensed it long before he had even come into view. I had always secretly thought that Anakin was very handsome, but now I just saw him as a monster: A cold, heartless, ruthless beast and a pathetic excuse for a strong Jedi Knight. Or was he now Sith? I did not care to know. Not in the least.

I now hid in the back of a broken-down old speeder, trying to still my thrashing heart and clear my scrambled mind. But despite my best efforts, the only thing my mind could do was flood with _memories_.

…………

_It all had started when I was just three years old, a youngling who had been discovered nearly ten months too late to be trained. But they had taken me in a one year and four months of age, and I had been growing up in the Jedi Temple ever since. That night, I had been pretending to sleep, until I sensed three people coming toward the sleep chamber. My heart still pounded with an excitement I could not explain, as Master Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi stepped through the doorway, followed by another presence I had been unable to identify._

"_These are the younglings, Anakin," Master Qui-Gon was saying. I opened one eye, though it was late and Master Windu had told us all to be sleeping – resting for tomorrow's lessons. But I had been far too excited to sleep, for I had sensed something extraordinary stirring in the Force. And suddenly, a small boy with big, round, deep blue eyes was hovering over my sleep-station, staring me in the face. I quickly squeezed my eyes shut again, and stilled my breathing, hoping they would believe me to be sleeping._

"_She is beautiful," I heard the little boy that must've been the one Master Qui-Gon had called _Anakin _say, with such awe and wonder in his voice that it had flooded my tiny heart with warmth._

_I felt Obi-Wan's presence first, and then his rough hand as he ran it over the crown of my head, tousling my wispy brown hair. I could just feel he was smiling down at me. (I had always secretly wished that _he_ was my biological father, but knew it to be a complete impossibility.) _

"_Yes, she is," Obi-Wan said softly in reply._

_Master Qui-Gon must've sensed the second flooding of my three-year-old heart, because when he bent over my sleep station, I felt his warmth and a wry smile spreading across his face. _

"_Keelee," he whispered; his voice warm with deep, fatherly tones._

_I opened one bright green eye. "Yes, Master?" I whispered back to him in my tiny, girlish voice._

_Obi-Wan blinked his blue-green eyes in amusement and grinned like a small boy. "Aren't you supposed to be asleep?" he asked._

"_Yes," I admitted. Jedi younglings are capable of advanced human interaction at a much younger age than most humans, therefore most of us know better than to lie to a seasoned Jedi Master – or his unabashedly adorable Padawan._

_I sat up and blinked twice, wrinkling my nose but grinning. "It's just that… I'm too excited to sleep."_

"_Excited?" Master Qui-Gon whispered, searching my face, amused._

"_Yes, Master." My green eyes sparkled. "Something wonderful is stirring in the Force this night."_

_Master and Padawan exchanged a knowing look just then, which showed me that I had been correct in my intuition._

"_You sense it, too?" Obi-Wan asked, incredulous._

"_Oh, yes!" I whispered. "It makes it hard for me to sleep."_

_It was then that the boy, Anakin, finally spoke. "You sense things, too?" His dark blue eyes searched my small face inquisitively._

_I simply nodded, smiling._

_The awe and wonder that flooded his face again made me smile more. _

"_You are very talented in the unifying Force, Keelee," Obi-Wan said softly._

"_Thank you," I looked down at my little toes poking out of my blanket._

"_Now, get to sleep," Master Qui-Gon smiled warmly. "Master Windu will be quite vexed if you are tired tomorrow morning, especially if it is my fault."_

"_Yes, Master," I giggled, settling down into my covers once more._

_As they walked away, I overheard Master Qui-Gon scolding Obi-Wan about attachment being forbidden for a Jedi, and I peeked to see him rub Obi-Wan's head much like a father would do to his son._

………

Sobbing hopelessly had closed my nasal passages and scratched my throat raw. I was choking on my own saliva, wishing that it would just close my throat and kill me. Suddenly the news of Master Qui-Gon's death was fresh again, flooding my heart with sorrow. As much as attachment was forbidden, this loss had been the first scar on my tiny, fragile heart. I began to regret fleeing the Temple, wishing I had just stayed to be killed with the other younglings. The recently-etched memory was flooding my brain again, and I shut it off with older ones…

………

_Years later, I had seen Anakin again. This time, I was seven, and he was freshly thirteen. _

"_Anakin," I whispered to him, "is it truly wonderful?"_

"_Is what?" he had asked, smiling impishly._

"_Being Master Obi-Wan's apprentice." I tried not to blush, and buried my envious feelings deep within my heart, far beyond where the Masters could even feel it._

_But Anakin was _not_ the Masters._

"_Of course it is," he beamed. He then tugged at my light brown padawan braid. "Jealousy is the shadow of greed, Keelee," he quoted the Jedi code teasingly._

_I pursed my lips at him, and crossed my arms. "You're silly, Anakin."_

_Master Obi-Wan had then promptly interrupted our conversation by walking over to where we stood. He smiled, patted my head, and lead Anakin away with him again._

…………

Tears fell from my eyes unhindered once more, cooling my flushed cheeks in their wake. Night had fallen over Coruscant, and over my fifteen-year-old heart. Surely I was dreaming.

I remembered just _days _ago, when Master Obi-Wan and Anakin had returned to the Temple together, strolling through the hallways after a Council meeting. I thought it was wonderful that Anakin was allowed to be a part of those meetings. I always wondered what important things the Masters discussed at those times.

"Anakin!" I had screamed excitedly, upon seeing them together, before I could help myself. Master Windu had shaken his bald head at me, frustrated – yet again – by my lack of focus.

Anakin had turned to look where I stood, despite being deep in brow-creasing conversation with Master Obi-Wan, and I was running to the former before I had a chance to think otherwise. Anakin had laughed – his deep, warm, haunting laugh –, scooped me up, and spun me around in a huge circle. I was taller than before, but still short compared to my peers, and yet Anakin's strong arms had no problem lifting me off the ground. (Sometimes I wondered if his strength came from the Force, or if he had simply worked his arms to a place of endurance.) When he had set me back on my own two feet, he stared down into my green eyes.

"My, how you have grown, Keelee, into a wonderful young woman," Master Obi-Wan had told me proudly. My cheeks had flushed with pride and embarrassment at his kind words. I bowed before him respectfully, then stepped into his open arms, allowing myself to collapse gratefully into his fatherly embrace. My heart swelled in my chest, and I remembered how much I had missed them, and how much I had always longed to be this man's Padawan.

No, not just that… but his _daughter_.

"You _are _special, Keelee," Master Obi-Wan said as he released me. "I have another meeting," he turned to Anakin. "Do stay out of trouble why I am gone."

Anakin had rolled his blue eyes at this, where Master Obi-Wan couldn't see. I suppressed a girlish giggle at the expression.

"So, is it exciting?" I blurted the question. _No wonder Master Windu calls me reckless…_

"Is what exciting?" Anakin frowned thoughtfully.

"Being a Jedi Knight!" I said, waving my arms emphatically.

He smiled boyishly at me as he ran his gloved right hand through his dark blonde hair. "Of course it is," he told me.

"I wish _I _were old enough to be one. I don't know if I ever will be, if Master Windu has the final say," I sighed in exasperation. I sat down next to where Anakin had sunk down against the wall. I lowered my voice to a whisper. "He's very harsh with me, Anakin. It's just not fair."

"Being a Jedi Knight is a great responsibility, Keelee," he had said, almost sadly.

I had sensed the stirring of conflicting emotions within his heart, and I frowned.

"Are you okay, Anakin?" I rose to my feet and examined his handsome, down-turned face. I looked at the scar that stretched vertically over his right eye, from mid-forehead to cheekbone. I thought it was dreadfully handsome, but I didn't dare think this too hard – he would've sensed it. How embarrassing!

He looked up at me then, from where he was seated on the floor, and pierced my searching gaze with dark, forlorn eyes.

"I'm fine, Keelee," he said softly, dropping his gaze to his tall, black boots once more. He rose to his feet, and playfully tousled my hair before turning to leave.

"Mind Master Obi-Wan's words," I teased.

Despite the sadness in his eyes, Anakin gave me a meaningful grin.

"Mind Master Windu's criticism," he teased back.

And then he was gone.

_But then I hadn't realized he would be gone forever._


	2. Premonitions

For the fiftieth time that night, in my mind's dreadful eye I saw Liam's little chubby cheeks and fearful eyes as he had stared up at Anakin, searching for answers. Anakin's answer had been to ignite his lightsaber, and do away with the lot of them.

My heart had not only gotten scarred once more, but this time, it had given way to the pain flooding its inner chambers, and shattered into a thousand jagged pieces. All of the Jedi diatribes and rules about mourning and death left my mind, and my emotions were all I knew in that moment. I saw Keeloh, chin quivering and eyes closed, accepting his death like a true brave warrior. I remembered earlier that morning…

"_Keelee," Keeloh whispered as I munched on my morning nutrition stick. They were horribly tasteless, but they were good for us – at least that's what Master Mundi had told us long ago. _

"_What is it, Keeloh?" I swallowed, sensing a sudden wave of fear in him. His pulse was suddenly racing, and I felt the pain that elbowed at the walls of his heart, begging for it to explode. I slammed a palm to my chest, and Master Windu had looked up from his conversation with Master Yoda to look at me._

"_Keelee, are you alright?" he asked me, rushing toward where I was seated. _

"_I… I'm fine, Master Windu," I told him, swallowing hard. "Please forgive me for alarming you."_

"_Be mindful of your thoughts, young one," he smiled graciously._

"_Yes, Master," I nodded. He turned around to where Master Yoda had stayed, but I felt the small green alien stare at me with inquisitive green eyes. Yoda was my favorite of all the Masters, besides Obi-Wan. He loved us younglings and took great pleasure in training us. And he always encouraged me to be careful with my intuitive abilities._

_This time was no exception. He sent me a mental picture of myself passing out from my swelling, swirling head full of thoughts. I almost giggled, but I realized it was meant as a warning._

_I turned back to Keeloh as Master Yoda turned back to Master Windu._

"_Keeloh, what was that?" I asked him in hushed tones. The exchange had caught the attention of Liam's blood-cousin, Kasen Johl, a dark, curly-haired Padawan who was two years older than me. He was learning the ways of the Force in spurts from Kit Fisto, and I had to control the strong feelings I felt towards him time and time again. This time was no exception, as his bright blue eyes searched my face, trying to find what was wrong with me. He was probably my closest friend at the Temple, and I appreciated his concern, but tried to focus solely on my nervous twin brother._

_I frowned as Keeloh stared down at his untouched meal. "Keeloh, eat. You know you need your strength."_

"_I will not need this," he had said, barely audible._

"_What are you talking about, silly?" I whispered. "Of course you will."_

"_No, Keelee," he whispered, his green eyes searching my own. "I will not."_

"_What do you mean?" Kasen asked softly. He had heard us talking, no doubt; his excellent hearing and strong sense of everything around him made it hard to keep things from his knowledge._

"_Something horrible is going to happen tonight," Keeloh said, dropping his eyes to the table before us._

_Master Yoda looked up now, his long green ears moving up slightly. I knew he was listening, and closed my lips. "Always in motion, the future is," he finally said aloud._

"_Yes, Master Yoda," Keeloh nodded, "but this one is very strong."_

"_Be mindful of your feelings, young one, or they will betray you." Master Windu had his brown hands tucked in the long, draped sleeves of his Master's robes._

_Tears flooded my eyes as another wave of what was to come poured into the part of me that always knew before anyone else._

"_But Keeloh is right," I defended him to Master Windu. "It will be devastating to us… to the entire Jedi order."_

"_That's enough," Master Windu frowned. "There will be no more of this talk."_

"_Clouded, your judgment may be," Master Yoda frowned. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me, or to Master Windu, but I stayed silent._

"_Forgive me, Masters," Keeloh dropped his head humbly. I squeezed his hand out of their sight. I believed him. How could I not? I felt the foreboding as clearly as I felt my own pulse. Master Windu had left, claiming important matters of the Senate that he needed to attend to. I didn't know where he was going, but I didn't see him return._

_Later that night I had spoken to Keeloh about this matter again, out of earshot of either of our training Masters. They were distracted by two of the younger Padawans, who were having trouble with their lightsabers. "I believe you, Keeloh. I felt it, too."_

"_It's going to happen very soon, Keelee." _

"_I know." Tears blurred my vision, so I used the Force to guide my lightsaber swings. Mine was a radiant blue, much like Anakin's and Obi-Wan's. I had watched them fight once; they were brilliantly matched and entertaining to watch. I had been awestruck, like a small child again._

"_You must be ready. It will happen here. You must run, when the time comes. Do not stay behind or try to be a hero, if you want to live." Keeloh touched my hand, and I felt his underlying sadness._

_I didn't know what he was talking about, but I nodded. I would listen to my brother more quickly than any Master. That was why they would not let me become an apprentice. That was why I had been constantly scolded for my recklessness. I was loyal to a fault, and the Masters knew this could hurt me in the long run._

_But had it yet? I didn't believe so. My deep-rooted, hidden attachments to Obi-Wan and Anakin had only fueled me to work harder in my studies; they had never become a detriment to my abilities._

_And so far, even the Masters hadn't learned of those deep bond-connections._

The last time I saw Keeloh, he had been brave, and strong. He tried to reassure me through the Force, sending me waves of peace and encouragement, up until the point when Anakin's lightsaber had taken his life-breath.

His death had been much more than a ripple in the Force for me. It had been a heart-wrenching, gut-twisting, burning, _searing _pain that had crippled me. I nearly forgot how to use my legs, until a new emotion beat my head into the present: Fear.

And it told me to _run_.

Then I was off like a starfighter going into lightspeed, tearing through the corridors of the Jedi Temple, not knowing where my feet were taking me. But I had to get away. Away from the darkness that had fallen over the Temple like a thick blanket, away from my brother's dead body, away from my old friend. Where had he gone? Who was this monster who had stolen his body and taken him away from me, and with him, my own brother?

My only small consolation in that moment had been that Kasen had left with Master Kit earlier that day, to do some scouting in the outskirts of Coruscant. But it was not enough to stop the tears from flowing.

Suddenly, I heard music. Sorrowful music, the kind associated with mourning and funeral processions. It was a strange sound, one that we young Jedi hadn't heard often. I climbed out of the broken speeder and walked on shaky legs toward the sound. It's as if the feeling of the music matched my very soul, and it was drawing me towards it. Suddenly, I saw a crowd full of thousands of Coruscanti citizens, tears in their eyes and rushing down their faces. I wondered what had happened, and pushed my way through the mourners to witness it for myself.

What I saw broke my heart all over again.

A beautiful woman with delicate flowers all in her dark hair was being taken in an open floating-casket, through the parting of people toward the burial ground for those in some sort of power. My heart tightened in my chest as I realized who this striking woman was. I then recognized her as Padmé Amidala, Anakin's close friend (though I had suspected much more than that) and some sort of Senator. I knew how much this would hurt Anakin, to see her so lifeless, but an odd sort of thought struck me.

_Had he gotten to her, too?_

Suddenly I was frightened to be here, out where everyone could see, so I turned on my heel and pushed my way back through the funeral attendants.

Surely, I must've been dreaming.


	3. Attachment

Rushing far away from the Temple, I made my way through the back streets of Coruscant, hoping that no one would see me. When I finally had gone as far as my burning legs and lungs would allow me to go, I dropped to the ground once more. I was now in a dark, scary part of town, and it made me realize just how alone I was.

In that moment, desperation sank in, and took over my senses with a vengeance.

I stared down at the small lightsaber attached to my belt, and wondered.

_Would this kill me fast enough?_

I reached for it, turned the hilt over and over until my frazzled mind found the ignition button. I gently slid my thumb over it, careful not to ignite it just yet. I rose to my knees, staring down at the shiny metal blade, willing it to extend and just take off my head. When this did not happen, I pressed my thumb down with a strength fueled by anger and desperation. I slowly lifted the blue blade, until it illuminated my flushed face. I held it close to my neck, and felt the heat from the business end. I wondered if I had the skill to do this quickly, to just take off my own head and end the torment for good. But just as I felt it close enough to singe the hairs on my delicate neckline, I heard a familiar male voice call out, echoing in the alleyway.

"Keelee!" it yelled. I dropped the hilt, releasing the ignition from my thumb. Now I was trembling. The voice sounded so much like Liam's, only deeper. Had he become one with the Force, at such a young age?

"Liam?" I whispered hoarsely. Then I heard plodding footsteps.

"Keelee," I heard the voice, closer now. I looked up, darkness and tears hindering my vision, but the presence was as familiar as breath itself.

"Kasen," I whispered, fresh tears flooding my eyes and pouring down my face.

"What… what has happened? My heart feels as if it can't stand to be in my chest. I felt a hundred deaths at once. Is everything all right?" His bright blue eyes searched mine, but I couldn't form words.

I just shook my head. I was trembling violently now. I felt indescribable warmth as Kasen pulled me to himself. He had gotten so much stronger than I remembered, and I buried my face in his soft, light brown robe. Sobs and pain shook my small body, and I felt as if I would fall, had Kasen not been holding me.

"I haven't seen Master Kit in hours," he said, and I felt his heart pounding in his chest. "I don't know what happened to him, but I sense he was a part of what I felt."

I didn't doubt it. Nothing was right anymore.

"Keelee, what has happened?"

I still couldn't speak. I tried my hardest to send him mental images of what I had seen, feelings that had overtaken me in those final moments. I looked up and saw his eyes go wide. I knew that he had gotten them.

"Oh, Keelee," he whispered softly, his voice deep and gruff, with sudden sorrow.

I took the fabric of his robe in both hands and squeezed until my knuckles flashed white. "We shouldn't be embracing like this," I suddenly said.

He pulled back, rough hands gripping my upper arms gently.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean, the Masters will not be pleased," I pulled away from him, wrapping my arms around myself.

"Keelee," he whispered, "they are not here."

"Yes, but they sense everything!" Tears filled my eyes again.

"Not everything," he said softly. "They did not sense what we sensed earlier."

"They did," I argued. "They did not wish to scare us."

"Well, what a fine job they have done of protecting us."

"What has become of them?"

"I do not know. I only feel that they are gone." He stared off into the vast expanse above us. "Except for two."

"Two?" My heart pounded. "Just two?"

"Search your feelings, Keelee."

I closed my eyes, and allowed myself to collapse beneath layers of hurt and fear, anger and betrayal, into the core where the Force resided. It whispered to me, with feelings of encouragement and peace. The same feelings Keeloh had sent to me nearly an hour earlier.

I inhaled sharply as I came back to the present. I stared up into Kasen's gentle, yet piercing eyes. "Obi-Wan," I said, exhaling slowly through my nose. "Master Obi-Wan is alive."

"Master Yoda is, as well," Kasen nodded. "But Master Kit… and Master Windu…"

"And Master Ki-Adi-Mundi, and so many other Jedi…" Tears blurred my vision again. I felt the huge disturbance in the Force, making it difficult to sense anything else.

"They are gone."

"Not gone," I scolded him with a wagging, disciplining index finger as Master Windu would have. "_One with the Force, they are,_" I tried to make light of the situation with a terrible imitation of Master Yoda's voice. Kasen smiled, and almost laughed, but I could feel his pain.

For it was also my pain.

"We must find one of them, at least, Keelee," he said. I knew he was trying to be brave. "We must find out what is to become of us, of the Jedi."

"Kasen, I am afraid."

"I will protect you."

And with that, he brushed his lips with a forbidden kiss to my forehead, unlocking the doors that barricaded my prohibited feelings in that I had kept closed for so long.

Before I could decipher my whereabouts, Kasen had my hand clutched tightly within his own, and he was pulling me behind him as he ran. We were rushing through the streets of Coruscant with no place to go, and no one to guide us but the Force.

"Kasen," I said breathlessly, "where are we going?"

"To find a transport," he responded, breathing controlled and voice even.

"How—can you—talk like that? Aren't you—out of breath yet?" I huffed and panted as I tried to keep up with his skillful strides.

He turned back to me, slowing his pace to a walk, eyes twinkling. "You see, Keelee, this is why you never got chosen as a Padawan."

"Spare me your reproach, Kasen Johl, or I will be forced to do something rash."

"What do you do that is _not_?"

I smacked him. He just laughed, increasing his speed to remind me who was boss.

As much as he tried not to let on, I had always figured that was _me_.

"Do you think it safe to return to the Temple?"

He turned to face me, alarmed by my question. "Why would you wish to do such a thing? Haven't you seen enough?"

I frowned. "I wish to give my brother a respectful Jedi burial."

"Keelee," Kasen frowned also, "if Anakin is still nearby, he will sense us within miles of the Temple."

"Do not be so sure he is still nearby," I argued. "What purpose would it serve for him to stay, Kasen?"

"Why did he do what he did? None of this makes sense, Keelee." Kasen was slowly but surely getting breathless, so we stopped and rested against a building.

"I know," I spat. "But that doesn't mean we can't go back for Keeloh."

"Are you seriously considering returning there? Do you know how dangerous that could be for us? Do you realize how slim our chances will become of that… that… _Sith_ senses our presence?"

"Anakin is a Jedi," I hissed. "He's just… confused."

"Confused? Keelee, _you're _confused if you think he has anything to do with _us _now. In my eyes, Anakin is _dead_."

Tears threatened to surface again, burning my dry, bloodshot eyes. "You can't mean that," I whispered.

"Of course I mean it!" Kasen pushed himself away from the wall and stalked about in the dark alley. "He is evil, Keelee. You must believe that."

I didn't speak.

"Only an evil man could kill _younglings_… and with a _lightsaber_, Keelee!"

I jerked my head to the right, letting the saline sting my eyes. Pain reminded me that I was alive. Keeloh know longer knew such luxuries, if one could call them that.

"Keelee," Kasen's deep voice took on a warmer, gentler tone. I looked up at him, but he was a hazy blur thanks to me crying again. "Keelee, I promise I will take care of you. And we will find somewhere to sleep that is safe, until the morning. When the sun comes up, we shall go to the Temple and find Keeloh, and Liam, and the other younglings, and then we will give them a proper Jedi burial. Is that what you want?"

I nodded, trying to stop myself from crying. I had to get stronger.

He placed warm, rough hands on my shoulders. "Then that is what we shall do."

"I need… shoes…" I said softly, which made Kasen almost laugh. But he noticed the tears brimming at my lids again, and pulled me to himself. This time, I did not push him away, nor did I remind him of the Jedi code.

I was already attached; it was too late for those words now.


	4. Desolation

The next day I stirred in the chill of the morning, and felt an arm around my waist. I stiffened, reaching my left hand down for where my lightsaber was still hooked onto my belt. I pulled it out, resting my thumb where it needed to be, and rolled away from my attacker, igniting the lightsaber and holding it high into attack position over my head. My "attacker" jerked awake, leaping up and igniting his own saber, green blade glowing, casting our shadows against the building we stood next to.

"Oh, it's you," I breathed.

Kasen's blue eyes were wide. "Are you _crazy_?" He hissed.

"No, you scared me," I snapped. "What were you thinking, sleeping next to me?"

"I was… protecting you," Kasen blushed furiously now, extinguishing his glowing blade and clipping the hilt back to his own belt.

I almost laughed. But then he walked over to where an old, deactivated trash-compacter droid sat, reached into a parked, white speeder, and produced a tall, shiny pair of brown boots.

"For you," he smiled. They looked about my size, maybe slightly larger, and I eyed them up before stepping into them. I wiggled my toes experimentally, and to my surprise, they fit perfectly.

"These are oddly familiar…" I frowned curiously.

Kasen's eyes flooded with guilt.

"Kasen…"

"I went to the Temple this morning, before you woke up," he told me.

Now I was angry. "You went without me!" I rushed at him, fists flying.

But he was stronger and faster than I, and grabbed both of my wrists. He stared me in the face. "Keelee, relax. I found your shoes. Anakin is nowhere to be found, and neither are the white-armored soldiers you spoke of before. It's completely deserted… other than the… _bodies_." When he spoke the last word, he squeaked a little, as if he were choking up. I caught a wave of sadness as it rolled from him with frightening intensity, a moment of vulnerability that the average Jedi wouldn't have noticed.

But this was Kasen, and I was Keelee. We were beyond that sort of acquaintance.

I watched in dismay as tears flooded his blue eyes, and suddenly I was frightened and hurt all over again.

"Did you see…"

He nodded, crying openly now. The choking sobs that escaped his lips tore my heart out. "Oh, Kasen," I said softly.

I opened my small arms, and he stepped into their circle, clinging to me as if I could save him. My heart caught in my throat, and now a new emotion slammed and pinned all the others down.

I _hated_ Anakin.

I wanted to hunt him down, skin his once-beautiful head, and wear his scalp on my Jedi robes like a trophy. Then I wanted to show him what he did, bleeding, before taking his lightsaber from him and cutting his own head off with it.

I bit down on my tongue, and tried to stop this flow of thoughts before Kasen sensed anything. He was too overwhelmed with grief to notice anyhow, I was sure of it.

I had to be strong for him, if nothing else.

I stroked his dark, loose, wavy curls and tried to whisper words of comfort in his ear. "_There is no death_," I quoted one of Yoda's favorite axioms, "_only the Force_."

"Keelee," he said; his voice gruff with emotion. "We have to go, now."

I nodded in obedience, letting him take my hand and lead me once more.

It took us two hours to reach the temple on foot, which made me wonder how Kasen had traveled so far before I was awake. But then I remembered the speeder, and realized he must've gone to where Kit had left it behind. _He must not have slept, _I thought. _I shouldn't have. It only made me dream…_

As we reached the grand steps, the familiar spot for reading or meditating in the sunshine, I squeezed Kasen's strong hand with my small, trembling one. He squeezed back, gently, and I heard him inhale deeply.

"Ready?" he whispered.

"As I'll ever be," I replied softly.

Then he put his arm around my waist and helped me up the stairs, for I felt as if I were going to faint. We stepped into the entryway, and I saw the damage.

All of the events I had been trying so hard to shut out came back in a torrent of images. My heart seemed to stop in that moment and I clutched a hand to my chest.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Keelee?" Kasen asked.

I just nodded, swallowing hard.

I closed my eyes and allowed Kasen to guide me past all of the familiar corridors. I felt him turning, and knew we were headed to the younglings' training room. I knew what we had come here to do, and I was going to be strong. For Liam, for Keeloh, and now, for Kasen – I would be strong, and brave, just as Keeloh had been.

We stepped into the room, where the floor was covered in bodies. All of the beautiful Jedi children, such promise, such bright futures… they all lay in motionless heaps on the temple floor.

Tears threatened to come again, and despite my efforts to be strong and silent, sobs wracked my chest and tightened my throat. I clung to Kasen, holding onto him as if the floor were falling out from beneath me. That's what it felt like, anyhow.

After much more crying and heartache, I had finally pulled it together, and Kasen held me close as we walked about the room. We looked at each other knowingly, and walked out of the room to find a burial box. We knew it was the right thing to do.

Pushing two of the floating bins into the younglings' room, we sat Liam, then Keeloh, inside their metallic walls.

I made sure my actions were stiff and respectful, but refused to show emotion. We covered the bodies with a thick, black blanket. We knew we couldn't stay and watch, so I turned my head as Kasen started the pyre, and then we watched respectfully, somberly, as the flames grew before our eyes.

My heart caught in my throat; I remembered Qui-Gon's funeral.

"I wish we could've done this for all of them," Kasen said softly as the flames crackled with no regard for what they were burning.

Just as the smoke began to rise, and the flames intensified, Kasen and I rushed to escape through the rear exit. He and I both knew we weren't allowed to stay, for fear of being caught, or worse – being found by Anakin and his metal men.

I coughed forcefully, willing the lump in my throat to leave, but at a glance I noticed Kasen's face was wet with tears. I felt his heart break next to me.

It was truly over for us.


	5. Runaways

We practically flew down the stairs, rushing away from the smoke that was billowing from the youngling training chamber, away from the Temple, and the memories. What Kasen didn't know, was that I was also running from my life as a Jedi.

Keeloh was dead, and so was my faith in the living Force.

I was done.

Out of breath by the time we reached the speeder – which was, surprisingly, untouched – Kasen climbed into the pilot's seat, and helped me into the co-pilot's.

"Where are we going, Kasen?"

"To where Liam's parents lived," he said.

My eyes widened. "…Tatooine?"

"Tatooine," Kasen nodded. He had a look of fierce determination that made me realize that arguing with him was not an option.

"We'll never make it there in _this_," I scowled.

"We'll find a way, Keelee. Do you trust me?"

He turned to face me, ignoring the fact that he was supposed to be piloting the speeder. His blue eyes searched mine with such intensity that it made my heart pound.

I just nodded.

"Then you know I will rely on the Force to guide us."

I turned away from him then, trying to mask the coldness I felt at his words.

But he sensed it.

"Keelee," his voice was soft and searching, "what's wrong?"

My lips formed a stiff line.

"Talk to me," he pleaded.

"What _isn't_ wrong, Kasen?" I yelled.

He fell silent, staring through the viewshield at the hazy city atmosphere he was required to maneuver through.

Once we were on the outskirts, Kasen recognized a Nubian ship and announced this out loud. "That's a royal craft," he said softly.

This didn't mean a thing to me, but apparently it was important.

"Who was it that had a funeral last night?" he frowned, slowing the speeder at his approaching the ship.

"Senator Amidala," I explained. I didn't say anything else.

"Was she ever a queen?"

I frowned, trying to remember. "I think so."

He slowed the craft to a stop, and climbed out. He walked over to my side, helped me down, and then motioned for me to silently follow him. We crept up to where a man with an eye patch in uniform was talking to a young woman dressed in splendor, surrounded by a few hooded girls that looked much like her.

"We have just been informed that Senator Amidala's parents learned of her wishes to one day be buried on Tatooine. We were never told _why_, however, we just know that is where she would want to be," the eye-patch man was saying.

My heart skipped a beat. Tatooine? Isn't that where _Anakin _lived?

So, she _had _been more than a friend.

"Whatever happened to the children?" the regal young woman asked him quietly through pale lips. Her bottom lip was split with a painted-on, bright red stripe, the rest of her face paled with white, and I thought it looked peculiar, but tried not to dwell on it much. _Children? _I wondered.

_Children_… the word rang in my ears like a gong.

_He was having children of his own, and yet he killed younglings?_

Certainly I was mistaken. Anakin couldn't have been these children's _father_. It had to be my feminine way of peering too deeply into matters. It was against the Jedi way to marry.

But Anakin had done a few things against the Jedi code recently, had he not?

I shoved the thoughts down and continued to listen, even though I knew Kasen had better hearing than my own.

"…taking her body to a moisture farm in Mos Espa for burial," patch-man was saying.

"Mos Espa?" the stately woman repeated in astonishment. "…Such a horrible place! Why will she not be buried on her home planet, Naboo?"

"Her parents are emphatic about her strange wishes, m'lady. We must take her."

"I do not approve of this, but if it was what she wanted, then we will take her to that scum-hive. Bring her body aboard." At this, the woman's dark, haunting eyes filled with unexpected tears, and she rushed back aboard the ship. Once Patch-Man and his men had safely lifted Padmé's body inside and were out of view, Kasen motioned for me to follow him onto the landing platform. My eyes were round, but he nodded emphatically, taking my hand and moving quickly and quietly toward the ramp.

Just as our feet rested upon the ramp, it began to close. We rushed as silently as possible, crawling our way inside the vehicle. To our advantage, the Patch-Man and the men with him were too far away from us now to notice. With as much stealth as two teenagers could gather, we slipped out of anyone's view, opening an empty cargo hold and slipping inside.

"This is dangerous," I whispered.

"So would be staying on Coruscant," he whispered back, lifting a thick strand of my light brown hair to speak right into my ear. Our voices carried and reverberated back into our ears in the confined space. It was cramped, but cold, and I felt Kasen's strong arm slide across the small of my back, around my waist. He pulled me closer to himself, and my heart pounded. I heard the blood rushing in my ears, and inhaled deeply to slow my pulse. As afraid of his attachment as I was, I was grateful for his warmth, and did my best to focus on that rather than his actual closeness.

"Keelee," he suddenly spoke; his voice was low and husky.

"Yes?" I whispered back, my throat tight with emotion.

"Just in case we don't make it… there's something I must tell you."

_So much for stilling my pulse…_

I fell silent, waiting for the inevitable. I played various scenes in my mind, dramatic as always. _There is another waiting for me on Tatooine, she's the mother of my children…I'm not really a Jedi…_

"I…" he started, and stopped. I felt the torment inside of him, making him reluctant to say what his heart wanted him to say.

I understood how he felt.

"Keelee, I…" he sighed again. He removed his hand from my waist, hooked my brown hair behind my ear, and pressed his nose to my head just above it. I felt him breathing in my hair, and my chest burned.

But before he could say a thing, we heard heavy footsteps nearby.


	6. Confessions

Kasen's hand was over my mouth, and his palm was _sweating_. I resisted the urge to bite it; for fear that he might make a noise. Meanwhile, I just frowned at him, thinking of calling him many swear words a Padawan shouldn't know.

He looked over at me and frowned back. But I knew that I had to be quiet, why did he have to suffocate me?

Thinking fast, I came up with a sure-fire way to get his hand off my face. Instead of biting him, I quickly stuck my tongue out and got saliva on his palm. He jerked his hand away, startled, and frowned deeper at me. I silently wondered if he, too, were thinking of swear words to call me. This amused me, and I grinned despite the situation.

_I'll be quiet, bone-head, _I thought at him.

_You'd better be, _his blue eyes shouted.

I rolled my green eyes at him. I opened my mouth, as if I was going to speak just to set him off, but then I pursed my lips again in silent defiance. Thinking I had the upper hand, I turned to stare at him, gloating with my eyes dancing.

But the footsteps drew closer, and startled me; but before I could squeal I felt a pair of warm lips pressing swiftly and gently against my own.

It took me a moment to realize that Kasen was not only silencing me, he was _kissing_ me, another thing I _knew _Jedi Padawans were _not _taught! My head swam and my heart thudded in my chest, and I was so startled by his actions that I couldn't even move.

We stayed like that for what felt like hours, but in reality was only a few seconds, just long enough for the heavy footfalls to make their exit, far enough away from our hiding place. As soon as we heard a door slid closed behind them, we pulled apart.

I inhaled sharply, now suddenly aware that I hadn't been breathing.

"_Whoa_," I whispered.

"Sorry," I could feel a mixture of fear and excitement coming from Kasen. "I… uh… I didn't know what else to do…"

I stared over at him, into his eyes and into his core.

"Is that what you wanted to tell me?" I whispered to him.

He just nodded.

I scooted as close to him as I could get, resting against his side.

"I had only hoped so," I admitted softly.

"But I thought Jedi aren't allowed to love," Kasen said, his deep voice, though hushed, took on a teasing quality that was barely recognizable to the average listener.

"Too late," I whispered.

Then I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders, closing any space between us, and felt him kiss the top of my head, hard. I slid my arms around his waist in response.

And I felt safer than I ever had, even as dangerous as this trip was.

I was home.

………

"We are here," I suddenly heard a loud, commanding male voice say.

I jerked awake, though I didn't know I had fallen asleep. Kasen must've gotten less sleep last night than I realized, for it took me a long time shaking him before he finally stirred.

"We're here," I whispered.

"How do you know?" he asked quietly.

"The captain just said so, stupid."

"Oh," Kasen muttered, smirking at me.

"What?" I frowned.

"What were you thinking, sleeping next to me?"

My jaw dropped. "I…"

"Save it," he whispered, dropping me a wink. "This is our stop."

We fell silent again, other than our soft breathing, watching and waiting for our chance to escape. I closed my eyes, and heard Kasen whisper for the Force to guide us. I frowned, wishing he would keep such wishes inside. But, as if in on cue, the footsteps were now gone and the ship fell silent. Judging by the sound of rushing wind, they had left the ramp open behind them. Kasen motioned for me to follow him as he lifted the release latch on the outside with his Force ability.

The door slid open with a mechanical sliding sound, and Kasen grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet and to trail after him.

We rushed as quietly as possible from the storage room, finding our way easily to where the ramp was open and resting on the sandy floor that was Tatooine's surface. White-hot desert stretched as far as the eye could see, and my heart dropped. _This _was Mos Espa? Kasen continued to pull me behind him, whispering for me to stay focused on our mission.

But what was our mission, really?

Deep down in my heart, I knew my only mission was to find Master Obi-Wan. I felt his presence in small glimpses all during the night last night, during the times I couldn't bear to sleep. This morning, I had felt him strongly, but broken up, as if some kind of static was between us.

My breathing was more ragged now, but Kasen's was still as steady as could be expected from a Jedi apprentice. I frowned, trying not to be jealous of his natural abilities. _Jealousy is the shadow of greed, _I heard Anakin's thirteen-year-old voice taunting. Before I had a chance to will the memory away, we were halfway down the ramp, and Kasen was _jumping_. Naturally, I had no idea what was going on, so the only way I knew to jump was because my hand was still in his. We landed on the ground; Kasen, gracefully, on his two feet, and me, graceless, spraying sand every which way.

"Come on," Kasen whispered. "We'll hide under the ramp until they close it; that way, they won't see us."

"Kasen," I frowned, "why don't we just follow them at a distance? That way, we'll be in town a few moments after them, and then we can just blend in? I've heard Tatooine is a fairly diverse planet, we probably won't stick out or anything."

Kasen stopped, brow creased, considering our options. I resisted the urge to tap my foot at him, and finally, he looked up again.

"Alright, Keelee," he nodded, "let's go."

And so, we followed footprints toward Mos Espa with the morning sun making it difficult to breathe.


	7. Shopping

I stared up at the mud-and-clay buildings that were covered in dust and dirt from the sandy roads. _This _was Tatooine? I wondered absently where Anakin lived, and what he did for fun on such a stifling-hot planet as this. I shook the thoughts from my mind, and followed Kasen faithfully as we mingled our way into the street crowds. Vendors lined up on the street we walked on stared at us curiously.

"Kasen," I whispered, "shouldn't we find some sort of… desert disguise?"

He turned and smirked at me. "Like what?"

"I don't know," I pointed to a girl about our age. "She's wearing a tunic, maybe we should find one," I said a bit louder than before.

An older woman caught my eye and smiled. "You need tunics, you say?"

I looked at Kasen, and he nodded to the woman, "Yes, ma'am."

"I have the finest tunics in all of Mos Espa. Come, and see; though I hope you've brought a large amount of truguts with you." She gave us an insider's wink and motioned for us to follow her.

I looked up at Kasen with fear in my eyes. We didn't know a thing about off-world currency; we were used to credits and being taken care of in the Temple. I certainly had never needed anything more than that. Kasen just winked at me, like he had it all figured out. I shook my head. I sure hoped he did.

"This brown will go well with your boots," the older woman rasped, pointing to my feet. "But the lighter one will go better with your hair."

I laughed a little. "I've never really thought about it like that before."

"Are you not a young woman?" the vendor winked at me. "I think the light one is better. You will hold in less heat that way."

I swallowed my offense, hoping she didn't see it in my stiffness. I nodded and she let me try it on. I turned my back to her, careful to hide my Jedi weapon, and slipped it on after discarding my robe.

"It's perfect," I told Kasen. He had whispered to me earlier that we should act as if we are newlyweds visiting family on Tatooine. He had said for me to _mush it up as much as possible._ I smiled at him dreamily, in character, and he just shook his head.

"I fear it is too expensive," he said, his voice deep and teasing. Though, again, most others would've missed the joking that overshadowed his tone.

I stuck out my lower lip. "But, _darling_, I want it."

The woman was laughing now. "You are _indeed_ a young woman."

I grinned at her and shrugged, turning my attention back to my "husband".

"_Johl_," I frowned, laying it on thick. "It's perfect."

He was about to protest again, when the vendor-woman made her move: "Ah, yes, it fits her like a glove."

I turned from listening to her, back to Kasen. "See? Do you not think she knows what she is talking about?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well of course, my dear, but that does not mean we can afford it." Kasen stuck out his chin and stared down at me, past his nose.

_My, he has a perfect nose, _I thought, smiling inside.

He crossed his arms, and I noticed how broad his shoulders had gotten. He was, indeed, growing up, far more than I must've been… but that would soon change.

I placed my hands on my hips. "Well?"

Kasen rolled his eyes, defeated. "Fine… how much?" He turned to the vendor.

"Twenty-six," she announced.

Kasen's eyes bulged. "We definitely do _not _have the money."

The woman seemed to ponder this. "Do you have the time to work?"

"We are only here visiting family… but we may be a few days. How long do you need us?" Kasen asked. _My _eyes bulged. What was he thinking?

"A standard week," she shrugged, "because I like you."

I clapped my hands, trying to pretend this was exciting news. I clutched my Jedi robe in my right hand and Kasen's hand in the other.

He extended his left hand to the woman, and she shook it. "I will see you tomorrow morning at dawn. No need to bring the wife, unless you wish to pay the debt off sooner."

"We do," I spoke for him. "I will come."

Kasen gave me a warning glance as the woman turned to fetch his tunic.

_Sorry, _I mouthed.

He just shook his head at me. The woman returned and handed him a large piece of fabric.

"I am Lana," she explained, pronouncing it _Lah-nah_. "And I will be happy to have some help around here."

"We are grateful for this," Kasen smiled at her, slipping the tunic over his head.

"We will be diligent workers," I promised, tugging at the frayed edges of the fabric. She smiled.

"I am pleased to hear this. Enjoy the tunics, and always remember that they are Lana's - the _finest_ in Mos Espa!" We heard her cackling laugh as we walked away to continue strolling through the town.

"Kasen," I said, as I swung his right hand back and forth in my left, "where do you suppose we are going to stay?"

"With my aunt and uncle," he said. "I met them when Master Kit and I were here last. They did not learn who I was, but I learned that their son, Liam, had been taken from them when he was only six months old. They had lived on Coruscant at the time, but Nova's parents had gotten ill, and needed her to take care of them. So, her husband Yahni brought her, and they made a life here."

"Did they have other children?" I wondered aloud.

"No," Kasen said, almost sadly.

"How far away is their home?"

"Not much farther to walk now," Kasen smiled.

We fell silent, and I took the time of our walk to admire the man Kasen was becoming. Certainly I was a bit biased, in my attachment - which I knew to be another reason the Jedi frowned upon such bonds. But I looked at his hair, and despite the little padawan braid, Master Kit had allowed him to grow out his thick hair. It was nearly as long as An—I shook the thought away, frowning deeply and concentrating on following Kasen's lead.

"We're nearly there," he announced.

His voice was like music.

It was too much of a distraction for me not to notice. _Keelee Sarai, you are _reckless_! You aren't focusing. _Mace Windu's frowning face filled my mind's eye.

_But I won't see that face anymore, will I?_

He had never returned from his "important matters", and I had heard whispers in the Temple amongst the Masters, as well as felt his death – along with others with him – in the Force. They hadn't told us anything, and still hadn't later -- even after it had been too late…

Kasen's voice announcing that we were a few steps away from Liam's parents' home was the only thing that interrupted my thoughts.

We were at the entrance of a cave hovel, and I frowned. "Are you sure?" I asked Kasen aloud, and he just shot me a hard look.

_I'll take that as a yes._

Kasen knocked on the inside of the rock wall, and we listened to it reverberate inside. Before long, an older man about in his early thirties wandered to the entrance.

"Yes? Can I help you?" he asked in a gruff voice. His eyes were searching but surprisingly kind. _Exactly like Liam's_… I felt my heart in my throat again.

"I'm not sure if you remember me, but my name is Kasen Johl. I'm the Jedi Padawan who visited you about a year ago with Master Kit Fisto…" Kasen said, and the man nodded in recognition of the names.

"Yes, Kasen, come in." Then he eyed me suspiciously. "Is this your Padawan?"

I laughed. "For the time being," I teased.

The man smiled, and it wrinkled the skin around his eyes. He stuck out his left hand. "Yahni," was the entire introduction I received from him.

"Keelee," I shook his left hand with my right, a bit awkwardly. "You are left-handed?" I asked him, frowning thoughtfully.

"Yes," he laughed good-naturedly. "Are you?"

"Yes, sir," I nodded emphatically. "It makes lightsaber duels very difficult."

"I can imagine," Yahni nodded. "Do come in, and I will introduce you to my wife, Nova."

He called out to her; his deep, gravelly voice echoing her name.

"Yes?" A slightly younger, slender woman appeared, holding a dish and a small drying cloth in her small hands. She had golden hair that was tightly pleated in a braid that reached the small of her back. I had to smile. That was where Liam's shiny locks came from; there was no doubt about it.

"Oh, my, Yahni, why didn't you warn me we were having company?" the scolding tone her gentle voice took on made me smile despite everything.

"Because I just found them wandering outside our front door," Yahni winked at us, and Nova pursed her lips thoughtfully.

"Are you hungry?" she asked, before even learning who we were.

"Oh, yes," Kasen announced for both of us.

"Nova, dear, this is Kasen Johl, and his Jedi apprentice, Keelee." Yahni gestured toward us as he spoke our names, but Kasen and I stifled a laugh when he introduced me.

"It is good to meet you both," Nova smiled politely. "Kasen… you seem familiar, have you been to Tatooine before?"

"Yes, ma'am," he nodded respectfully. "I visited your home just a year ago."

Nova nodded in response, obviously remembering.

"You've grown," she smiled.

"Yes, ma'am, I have," he bowed his head humbly.

My heart swelled with pride and wonder at the boy who was nearly a man standing next to me. All rituals placed aside, he could've been my Master with all of his strength and wisdom. I squeezed his right index finger where no one could see, and felt a rush of warmth emanate from him.


	8. Anguish

We got through dinner without mentioning the Temple tragedy, and Yahni and Nova even offered us shelter for the night. Now Kasen and I were lying just outside of their cave, watching the fire, the scrap it was burning cackling and popping. The warm glow that it basked us in was not comforting, nor did it make me feel any joy.

All I could think of was Anakin, and Obi-Wan, and Liam, and Keeloh... and _Kasen_. Swirling thoughts created a whirlwind of emotions inside of me. I tried my very best to shut Kasen out as I watched the flames dance in his bright blue eyes from a distance. _Those beautiful eyes… _I sighed inwardly, a deep, burdened sigh.

Each attempt at relinquishing my attachment to Kasen only seemed to make it stronger. It was a frustrating task, one that had nearly brought me to slamming my head against the Temple walls time and time again. Those beautiful, laughing eyes had haunted me no matter how much I had pushed him away.

Closing my eyes again, I _remembered_.

"_Keeloh, what do you do to rid yourself of attachment?" I asked, eyes full of remorse that only my twin would see._

_He eyed me suspiciously. "Why do you ask?"_

"_I just want to know," I replied defensively._

"_I do not know," he shook his head. "Ask Master Yoda."_

_My eyes bulged. "Do you really think that wise?"_

"_Wiser than holding onto unnecessary distractions…"_

_I frowned and huffed at him. "You're Dark."_

"_And you're attached. Is it Kasen?"_

"_Is it obvious?"_

_My brother smiled, satisfied with my rueful confession._

_He simply nodded._

_Now my heart pounded like a caged animal. "Do the Masters see?"_

_He shook his head. "If they did, they would have called you on it," he pointed out._

_I exhaled slowly, decidedly._

"_Relax, Keelee. It will fade in time. Besides, he is an apprentice now. You won't be forced to see him much."_

"_How did you know that was hard for me?"_

_He cocked an eyebrow, as if I were asking a stupid question. "The same way I know that it's hard for me. Do you remember Vole?" _

_The soft, gentled way he pronounced _Voh-lay_ made me smile inside. I nodded._

"_I loved her."_

"_You were seven!" I gaped._

"_I was smitten." His cheeks flushed with embarrassment._

"_Brother, you are a hopeless excuse for a Jedi."_

"_It must run in the family."_

"_I don't think so…" I said softly. "Something tells me our father was wonderful."_

"_He must not have been too wonderful, or he wouldn't have married our mother."_

"_Don't speak of such things!" I hissed under my breath. "You know better."_

"_I know," Keeloh sighed. "I am sorry. Goodnight, Keelee."_

"_Goodnight, Keeloh. Sleep well."_

I turned over in my sleep. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

My back ached.

I must've drifted off outside by the fire, but now it was only embers.

"Come on inside, Keelee. You won't sleep well out here." It was Nova; she was smiling, but there was a hint of sadness in her dark blue eyes.

"Why are you sad?" I asked her, out of nowhere.

She blinked, clearly startled by the question.

"I miss my son," she admitted. Tears sprang to her eyes.

I wondered quickly if Kasen had told them.

"He… last time I saw him, he was a wonderful little Padawan."

"You knew Liam?" she asked, eyes wide with hope.

"Yes. A strong little one, he was," I smiled, realizing I had just sounded like Master Yoda in my choice of sentence structure. "We trained together from time to time in Master Yoda's group. He was always very quick to pick up the moves."

Without warning, tears sprung to my eyes. I remembered that little Liam was only ashes now, and the thought sickened me.

I bowed my head, trying not to let my tears show.

"I am so very tired," I said softly, hoping to end the conversation as gracefully as possible. Nova nodded, leading me inside.

It was going to be a long night, to say the least.

………

_Standing barefoot in the training room, I stared the man I once knew as Anakin Skywalker in the face. His eyes were no longer blue, but burned with a yellow-orange hatred that chilled me to the core. He had lifted his lightsaber high above his head, but I had grabbed both of his arms in my own. Being much stronger than I, he threw me across the room with a powerful Force push. I slammed against the wall, but leapt up from the floor, driven by fierce determination._

"_Anakin, don't," I shouted, tears springing to my eyes now. I grabbed his gloved wrist on both my hands, pointing the lightsaber away from myself and the children, toward Anakin's legs. He turned to me, hooded and dangerous, animal rage pouring from him in confused waves. _

"_Don't do this. You're not this heartless, Anakin; stop this madness!" I was desperate now, pleading and crying, burying my face in the sleeve of his robe. He cast me aside again, turning his focus from the helpless children back to myself. He stalked toward me, lightsaber ready, only now it was red._

_But just before he reached out his arm to choke me, Keeloh had his other arm, and was spinning him in the opposite direction._

_It was then that Anakin killed him. It happened in slow motion; so slow that I could see the cauterized wound appear on Keeloh's strong neck. I watched him fall, inch by inch, until he collapsed to the ground. _

_It was then that Anakin turned his focus back to me, eyes blazing, nostrils flaring._

_His lightsaber was inches from my throat…_

I woke suddenly in a cold sweat, heart pounding, breathing ragged and uneven.

Kasen was awake now, rushing to my side, lightsaber in hand.

"Keelee, what is it?" his voice was thick with anxiety and sleep.

"I… it was a dream," was all I managed. I hoped I hadn't screamed.

"Go back to sleep, Keelee," he scolded. "We only have about an hour before we must go to Lana's shop and help her."

I nodded obediently, and rolled over on my left side, facing the opposite way. I heard him settle, but not lie down, his breathing still unsteady.

"Aren't you going back to sleep?" I asked gently.

"I can't," he replied after a few moments of thoughtful silence.

"Are you dreaming too?" I whispered.

"I won't let myself."

"So, you're afraid to sleep, then?"

I sat up and stared at the back of his head, only to see his hair move as he nodded twice in the affirmative. But he didn't speak.

I rose to my feet, unable to stand the silence as more minutes passed. I strode out the front door, watching in silent agony as the twin suns of Tatooine began to rise.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to kill.

I wanted to _die_.

Hot, angry tears stung my green eyes as the sky exploded in hues of fuming red.

The sky matched my anguished heart, beating out of time, the only reminder that I was alive.

I stared down at the place where my lightsaber hung idly.

I was hungry to use it.

I picked it up, turned it over, wondering at its capabilities.

Before I realized what I was doing, I had my long, light-brown hair clenched in my white-knuckled fist. My first instinct was to just pull it out, to feel the pain, to remind myself that I was living, and Keeloh couldn't even pull out his hair if he had wanted.

_But the second was much more tempting…_

I stared down at the cold, sleek Jedi weapon, and rested my thumb on the ignition.

Without thinking, I extended the shining blue blade, staring at its brilliant hue.

Then I looked up at my hair, angry at how much the color matched Keeloh's.

I _hated_ it.

With a swift, thoughtless flick of my wrist, I felt the tight pull of my right hand loosen, a long bunch of hair resting in a smoking clump in my clenched fist.

I felt the other side, and realized that some of the length still remained where the blade had missed.

Frustrated, I sliced that off as well.

I threw the long locks to the ground, then cast my blasted Jedi weapon off to the side, watching it roll in the sand.

I fell to my knees in anguish, slamming into the desert ground, ignoring the sand that had flown up into my open, bloodshot eyes. I slammed my lids shut in a vain effort to rid myself of the grains.

Then, I suddenly heard an angry howl, a scream so loud, heart-shattering and restless that it twisted the knife in my own heart.

It wasn't until Kasen and Yahni rushed out of the cave, lightsaber and blaster brandished -- ready to come to my aid, that I realized who was screaming:

_Me._


	9. Rage

"Keelee, _Keelee, _what happened?" Kasen was shaking me, holding clumps of my once-beautiful hair in his hands.

My eyes fluttered open. Nova was pressing a wet cloth to my forehead; Yahni was standing watch for… something? Kasen was still holding my fried hair.

"I… got so tired… saw things… defending myself…" I knew I wasn't making sense. I had decided, upon seeing Kasen and Yahni so worried, to lie and say I must've been hallucinating, unaccustomed to such extreme desert heat.

_But Kasen would know better, wouldn't he?_

I bit my chapped lower lip.

"Did you think your _hair_ was attacking you?" Kasen asked incredulously.

Instead of answering him, I burst into tears.

"Oh, Keelee," he sighed, kneeling beside me on the cool cavern floor. Nova walked away to freshen the cloth, but Yahni continued to pace in front of the entrance.

Kasen continued to stroke my face, and then my hair, gently. He lifted a large chunk of it and pinched it between index finger and thumb.

"Is it bad?" I winced, suddenly regretting my moment of impulse.

"It's not _long_," he shrugged.

I lifted my left hand to touch it, feeling the singed edges at the end of what had been silky hair. Now it was dirty, and felt grimy between the sand-dust and now-frayed splitting ends. I didn't know if anyone had ever tried to cut their hair with a lightsaber, but I decided that it was not the weapon's purpose.

"You are still beautiful, Keelee," Kasen said softly, carefully.

I didn't dare look at him; instead, I stared at my boots.

I heard a quiet, sniffling sound, and suddenly felt compelled to lift my eyes.

Kasen's back was to me, sitting perpendicular from me on the floor. But his broad shoulders gently shook, and I knew he was crying again.

And this time, I felt responsible.

The result was a twisting in my gut, a mixture of guilt and sadness that made me angry all over again.

Thankfully, Kasen had moved my lightsaber, somewhere I couldn't see.

I turned to my left, scooting close to Kasen. At first, he didn't move, but after a moment of my breathless silence he weakly extended his arm.

I took the opportunity to cuddle closer to him, allowing him to rest his arm about my shoulders. He moved slightly, and I froze, but he simply placed his cheek on the top of my head.

I felt the cool droplets that had fallen from his eyes as they mixed in with the other mess that used to be my hair.

Rage _boiled_ inside of me, exploding like the holograms of volcanoes from the planet Mustafar I had seen so long ago.

Rage at myself, for being unable to do anything, rage at the Masters for teaching us impossible doctrines, rage at Anakin for ruining our lives.

_Is he really heartless?_

My angry, restless heart screamed a loud _yes! _But I was still uncertain.

Then I remembered my quest to find Obi-Wan, and also our duties in town.

"Kasen," I said softly, "we have to leave."

He nodded dumbly, pulling his arm up and wiping his nose with his sleeve.

I stood up, and offered him a hand, but he shook his head.

"That's my job, remember?" he responded.

_At least he can still pick on me._

………

I held Kasen's right hand with my left, partially to guide him and partially to keep my left hand out of reach of my Jedi weapon.

Kasen had allowed me to have it back, considering our circumstances, but warned me that if I started hallucinating again, I would have to tell him so he could remove it once more from my reach. I had agreed, begrudgingly, and hoped for the best.

But out here in the heat, with all of the watchful, cynical eyes of Mos Espa's traders and vendors, I wondered just how strong I could be.

We arrived at Lana's tunic trading post just after the suns had risen in the cloudless sky, and she smiled at us in greeting.

"I was beginning to think you weren't going to show," she said, handing us each a basket.

I raised my eyebrows in curiosity, but Kasen spoke first.

"Are we late?"

"No, no, not _late_. But these business deals do not always turn out the way I wish them to." Lana's dark eyes were full of sadness, guarded sadness that made me wonder how a person could survive in such a place.

"We would never steal from you," I said quickly.

The sad, dark eyes were back, searching mine. I kept my gaze steady, unyielding.

She nodded. "Good, _good_. Now go help Jovin in the back."


	10. Rumors

We found Jovin to be, to say the least, a _character_.

"So, you're the newlyweds, huh?"

I exchanged glances with Kasen, wordlessly asking his permission to speak.

He was simply flabbergasted.

Before I could answer, Jovin was giving a snide, growling laugh and talking again. "Just don't go sneaking off or nothing or I'll hunt you down and bring you back hanging upside down by your feet."

I frowned in confusion, but Kasen's eyes were bulging.

Being an innocent and naïve Padawan, I had no idea what the man was talking about. But Kasen -- having traveled much more than I ever had -- seemed to understand.

"What does he mean?" I tried to whisper, but Jovin heard.

There was that gross, throaty laugh again.

"Got yourself a pure _and _pretty one, eh, boy?" Jovin gave me a visual once-over.

I frowned. This man was definitely _not _on my good side.

"I…" Kasen began, finger pointing at Jovin, ready to defend our honor. But words didn't come out of his mouth; he just stood there like that, mouth wide open, gaping.

I rolled my eyes. _What a man I married! _I thought, joking to myself.

I had to admit, though. The thought caused a pitter-patter of my heart that I didn't want to be there.

_Or did I?_

"You don't have to worry about _that_," Kasen finally said.

"I can _see_ that," Jovin smirked, a sarcastic expression that told me he was insulting me again.

I wanted to punch him.

And so, I did.

Well, I attempted to.

As soon as I had swung my fist, the enormous man (tall, and wide) had not only ducked out of my fist's reach, but grabbed my right ankle. Before I knew what was going on, I was dangling with my foot in his gigantic fist.

"Hey! Stop that!" Kasen yelled at him. But he didn't let me go.

"She's a feisty one after all, eh!" Jovin was laughing again.

"Put her down, Jovin," said an unfamiliar male voice, heavy with annoyance.

I craned my neck, but all I could see was a pair of tan farmer's boots made orangey-brown with sand and dust.

I rolled my eyes, but I could feel the blood rushing to my head, and it was getting increasingly uncomfortable. I began to feel light-headed, and concentrated all my efforts on controlling my blood-flow with the Force. When nothing happened, I started to panic, flailing my arms and trying to wriggle free.

"Aw, come now, Anton," Jovin said, bouncing me up and down for good measure, "aren't I allowed to have _some_ fun with the new kids?"

"Just put her down, Jovin, she's turning purple."

Jovin cocked an eyebrow, and looked down at me. I must've really been changing colors, because his eyes widened and he flipped me back over, setting me on my own two feet again.

"Sorry, miss," the man he had called Anton said, approaching me as I composed myself. "My older brother tends to behave foolishly when he has an audience."

I snorted. "I hadn't noticed."

But then I fell silent, for _Anton _hadn't been the homely farmer I'd imagined.

No, he was indeed deeply tanned and muscular – that was evidence enough that he did some farming in his day -- but he was anything but _homely_.

Sparkling gray-blue eyes danced beneath thick lashes, and reddish-blonde hair fell to his shoulders in soft waves.

Anton was _gorgeous_.

Suddenly, I felt like I was hanging upside down again.

"Anton, you are _boring_," Jovin was grumbling, interrupting my thoughts.

"The worst," Anton agreed teasingly, shrugging.

Then he extended a work-roughened hand to me.

"Anton Flasgo, at your service," he announced as he shook my left hand.

"Keelee Sarai," I blurted, without thinking.

I felt Kasen tense behind me.

"And I'm her _husband_, Johl," Kasen frowned, stepping in front of me to shake Anton's hand and make his acquaintance.

"You two look awfully young to be married," Anton cocked a blond eyebrow.

Jovin's laugh (which was starting to remind me of the holos I had seen of Jabba the Hutt) erupted from his round belly again. Now I knew he had been making suggestive comments all along, and he suspected something dishonorable.

"It was an arranged marriage," I lied, "but our parents are gone now."

"Arranged? Doesn't that only happen in royal lineage?" Anton was frowning.

"Like I said, our parents are gone."

"Then shouldn't you be taking the throne somewhere?"

I sighed, exasperated.

So, Kasen stepped in for me.

"We come from a small village, where the elders choose partners from birth. We were selected because of how close-knit our two families were. We were simply carrying on the Sarai legacy."

Anton frowned still, nodding but not thoroughly believing.

_Who could blame him? We are sort-of pulling this out of space…_

"Then why are you still together, if you have no parents to speak of?"

"My aunt and uncle are still living. If they learned of our divorce…"

"You're divorced? I thought you were married!" Anton was now frustrated with our stories.

"We _are_," I frowned, "but if we were ever to divorce it would bring complete disgrace upon our families."

_I could _kill_ Kasen for this._

I shot him a look that told him just that.

He just barely smirked in response, a smug lifting of the corner of his mouth.

But now Lana had come to the back, and was giving out orders, so I didn't have the chance to properly smack him.

………

"So," Anton began as we all chewed grilled Nylog during our break, "you hear about the Jedi Master that's apparently in our midst?"

I choked then, coughing and hacking until a sticky wad of food had plopped out of my mouth, onto the sand.

"Sorry," I grimaced, "I guess I didn't chew it long enough."

Anton's face was wrinkled up; I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"No, we hadn't heard," Kasen wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

I could practically _feel _his pulse match mine.

They were _racing_.

"Yeah, yeah," Jovin nodded, scarfing down his third Nylog. "Name's Kenny, or, 'Nobie', or something weird like that. Rumor has it that he lost some big battle something-or-other at that lava planet."

"Do you mean Mustafar?" Kasen spoke up, ignoring the blue milk that was getting warm in front of him.

"Yeah, that one," Jovin said, mouth full of chewed food. I wrinkled my nose, but tried not to show my disgust. This was important news, and the need to hear his "rumors" overshadowed any rude gesture he could make. "Lana heard from a spacer this morning that he's supposedly the last of the Jedi."

"Seems like a pretty big burden," Anton frowned.

"Ah," Jovin shook his head, "sounds like the end of another hokey religion."

I bit down hard on my tongue, hard enough to hurt. Kasen squeezed my hand under the table.

"That's where you're wrong, brother," Anton pointed in his brother's face. "The Jedi aren't mystics, or fools. They know what they are talking about."

My heart swelled with a strange sense of gratitude, although my emotions were siding with Jovin in that moment.

_But aren't _you _one of the last Jedi, Keelee? _My memories poked at me.

I forced them down with another rubbery swallow of Nylog.

"Have you heard where he's staying?" Kasen asked, a little too eager.

Jovin gave him a hard, curious look, but Anton just shook his head.

"We haven't heard anything _that_ specific. Only that he's somewhere on Tatooine. He arrived sometime yesterday."

Kasen nodded, trying not to seem too interested after his momentary lapse of composure. I patted his knee, and tipped back the last of my Nerf milk, leaving a blue mustache-like streak across my upper lip.

Laughter erupted around the table, and suddenly "Kenny", last of the Jedi, was old news. They had a new target now.

"Trying to become a man, there, eh?" Jovin pointed.

Kasen just shook his head, silently grossed-out by the bluish liquid.

"Here, let me," Anton reached over and wiped it with his sleeve.

Despite the grit that I _knew_ was now in my teeth, I smiled gratefully.

"Thank you," I smiled, bowing my head shyly.

I felt a sudden burning flash in the Force, directly to my right.

I looked over at Kasen absently. His eyes were ablaze.

_Jealousy is the shadow of greed, Kasen._


	11. Jealousy

"You seemed pretty cozy with our new _friend_ Anton today," Kasen said, the sarcasm in his voice thick as he pronounced the word _friend_.

I frowned. "Jealousy is dangerous, Kasen."

"Jealousy! That's what you think this is?" His blue eyes were flashing with anger.

I rolled my green eyes. "What else would it be, stupid?"

"Oh, I don't know – intelligence, maybe? What if he's some kind of criminal, Keelee, what then? What if he kidnaps you – thinking we're lying about our 'royal, dead parents' and thinks you're of some worth to him? We _are_ lying, you know. Do you expect me to run across the galaxy to find you and give him his demands?"

My eyes were burning now, the rage that I kept shoved deep down surfacing, just like it had this morning. "I guess you wouldn't; not the way you're talking."

"Well, why should I, when you are so quick to get attached to someone else?"

I gaped at him.

"Attached?"

"Yes, Keelee, it was written all over your face. But even if it wasn't, I could _feel_ it, you know. I'm not stupid. I'm Jedi, too, in case you've forgotten. But I guess you think now that you've forsaken your vows, I must have, too."

"And you didn't when you _kissed_ me?" my voice was tight with emotion.

"Maybe I shouldn't have done that."

Suddenly I was lunging toward him, eyes blazing in the reflection of my wielded blue lightsaber. I had knocked him to the ground, surprise as my ally, and now he was pinned at the waist beneath my knees.

"_Keelee,_" he coughed.

I was breathing wildly, chest rising and falling with all the grace and calm of a tromping bantha. My nostrils flared, and I could feel my throat was dry.

Coming to his senses, Kasen had both of my wrists in the grasp of his strong hands, and put me on my back, straddling my legs to keep me pinned.

I wanted to shove him off, but he was much stronger than I, not to mention heavier.

"Keelee, turn it _off_," Kasen's eyes and face were hard as stone, unreadable other than _authoritative_.

I fixed him with a hard, determined look before extinguishing the blade. He squeezed and bent my wrist, causing me to drop the hilt, and I frowned deeper.

"What is wrong with you?" His blue eyes were full of concern now; he had let go of my wrists and gently moved next to me.

Surely, he trusted me far too much.

"I don't know," I said, sitting up and hugging my knees to my chest.

"You _scared _me, Keelee. Do you know how hard it is to do that?"

Now I was crying, sobbing with my forehead pressed to my bent arms.

Somehow, Kasen's affectionate tone always kept my heart pliable when it begged to turn to stone.

"I… I didn't want to hurt _you_, Kasen," I whispered, trying to keep my voice even though my throat was tight.

"I know," he said softly, moving next to me. He was stroking my hair now, and I did not fight him when he gently pressed my head to his chest.

"Do you hear that?" he asked.

"Hear what?" I sniffed.

"My heart," he explained. "Can you hear it?"

"Of course I can," I said; my voice dry and hoarse.

"Know this: The day I lose you, is the day it stops beating."

I looked up at him, wide-eyed and fearful. But in his crystal blue eyes, there shone nothing but honesty and conviction.

Now I was crying all over myself again.

I just sat there, tears flowing from so far down inside I feared they'd never stop.

But Kasen was patient, and dedicated; he simply held me, stroking my hair and rubbing my back and whispering words of comfort.

When I had finally composed myself, the suns were setting, and I knew we'd better get home. Lana had warned us about the natives, the _sand people_, and how much they hated outsiders.

I squeezed Kasen's right hand as we walked, and he squeezed back, gently but tightly, and I was comforted.

"Kasen," I said softly, sniffing since my nose was now drippy.

"Yes?" his voice was low and full of adoration.

"I turn sixteen tomorrow," I said, just remembering.

"That's wonderful," he beamed.

"I've never gotten a gift before," I mused, "but I really want to find Obi-Wan, just to see him – to see that he's alright, at least."

"Who do you suppose he was fighting on Mustafar, if he was even there?"

"I don't want to think about _that_," I shook my head.

But I _did _think about it.

The answer was terribly obvious.

And as quickly as it come, the fleeting comfort I had felt was far gone again.

………

"_Keelee," he whispered; voice hoarse and beseeching. "Help me."_

"_I can't," I tried to scream, but my mouth wouldn't open._

"_Help me, Keelee," his blue-green eyes pleaded. "Help me, please!"_

I sat up straight, heart racing. But I was careful not to make a sound.

I pulled on my light brown Jedi robe, and tucked my lightsaber into my belt.

Breathing deeply, heavily through my nose, I stepped into my tall, dusty boots and I rushed silently from the cave-home.

_My mission will succeed tonight._

There was a strange chill in the air that night. A million stars twinkled overhead as a breeze seemed to come from literally nowhere. I focused on keeping my breathing slow and even as I fast-walked across the sandy stretch.

I didn't know my destination, but my heart was leading now.

I fumbled with the glow rod I had stuck awkwardly against my right hip, tucked in my belt. I turned it on, careful to point it to where my feet were rather than where any strangers could see. I kept it tucked under the long flap of my robe, still hearing his voice calling out to me from the deepest part of my inner self.

I was still angry at the Order, but the Force was guiding my motions this night.

The farther I went, the more I questioned the Force's leading. My heart was pounding with fear, no matter how much I willed it to calm. It was simply restless.

I had heard rustling nearby three times now, and it was getting more frequent.

I'd even heard a grunt once, but I had prayed that it was a stray nerf or something.

So far, nothing had come out where I could see it. But I was still afraid.

I quickened my pace, trying to reach the caverns I saw far ahead, in the distance.

By the time I could make out entrances to the caves, my breath was ragged and hard to come by. I suddenly had the urge to crawl on hands-and-knees the rest of the way as my calves burned, my throat ached.

I noticed lightness in the sky, turning the twilight a midnight blue, stirring up the once-black abyss with a lighter hue.

_It can't be much farther now, _I assured myself silently. _I _will_ find him._

But there was that rustling.

And it was dangerously close this time.

Panicked, I dropped to my knees, and rolled onto my back, trying to pull together every ounce of self-control I had to slow my breathing.

_If they think I'm dead, they won't bother with me, right?_

I hoped so.

But as the sound drew closer, I knew I was wrong.

Very, horribly wrong.

I heard the stomping of feet and the gruff, animal-like noises even closer, and my heart was beating so hard it was making me feel light-headed.

Then the footsteps were right by my head, and everything faded to black.


	12. Chivalry

I woke up feeling dry, sweaty and thirsty, but as I slowly came back to consciousness, I felt no real pain.

_Who took me then? Why didn't they hurt me? _

_Did they think I was dead? Should I lie here, and pretend to be?_

_But wouldn't they have checked for breath, a pulse?_

_Am I dead?_

_No, you don't think when you're dead, do you?_

_Am I still in the middle of nowhere?_

Thoughts such as these buzzed through my brain as I shook it for an answer. The sun baked my skin, so I must've been stripped of my robe. Without checking to see if I was alone, I slowly slid my left hand over to where I kept my lightsaber.

It was gone.

Now fear flooded my heart again.

Someone – or some_thing_ – _had _taken me.

I allowed my eyes to open, and felt my forehead being to sweat.

I turned my head to the left, and noticed that I was eye-level with some sort of shelf with mugs and bowls on it.

I frowned, more curious now, than afraid.

_Are the sand people this civilized?_

Then I heard footsteps – that sounded like someone descending stairs – and I went rigid again, eyes closed, breathing soft and minimal.

The footsteps stopped by whatever I was lying on, and I felt a warm, rough hand feel my forehead. I collapsed inward, trying to figure out whose presence I was feeling.

It was familiar, yet strange.

Next, in the physical, I felt a damp rag being placed on my forehead, and a soft _humph _sound.

Whoever it was, they were quite gentle, and seemed genuinely concerned for my health and welfare.

This was a good sign.

I fluttered open my eyes, pretending as if I had just awakened, having no idea what to expect would meet my gaze.

Heart-penetrating, searching gray-blue eyes were suddenly staring back at me.

And I passed out all over again, for real this time.

………

"Miss Keelee," I heard a gentle voice coaxing, "oh, please, _do_ wake up."

I inhaled deeply, tiredly, and turned my head.

"_Mmmrrrmmph,_" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes and sitting up slowly.

"Oh, thank the Maker!" I heard a slightly robotic voice say gleefully. "Master Anton, she is indeed alive," it continued. I heard clanking and whirring as whoever or whatever it was must've walked from the room.

_Wait… Master Anton? _**Anton?** _That's who has me held hostage?_

_Oh, great. Kasen was right? _I groaned inwardly. _I'll never hear the end of this._

I heard heavier, more human footsteps returning, much like the ones I had heard earlier, and I stared up at the ceiling.

This was awkward.

"Keelee," a warm voice said. "How are you feeling?"

I turned to face Anton Flasgo, grinning sheepishly. "Okay, I guess… a little embarrassed, if anything." _A Jedi is not vain, _I heard Master Windu say inside my head.

"What on earth were you doing last night? One of my banthas got loose so I had to come after it… it almost squished you. Why were you in the middle of the desert so late in the evening?" Anton frowned, the dark circles under his concerned eyes hinting at a definite lack of sleep.

"I was…" I swallowed, trying to think of some way to lie.

But this man had not only apparently _rescued_ me from being bantha fodder, but then taken me into his home and watched over me until I woke up.

I suddenly found it very hard to be dishonest.

"I'm thirsty," I said, my voice scratchy, my throat dry.

He handed me a mug with lukewarm water in it, and I swallowed it gratefully.

"Now, can you tell me, please?" He stared at me, waiting patiently.

"I…" I sighed.

His eyes pleaded on.

"I lied to you," I blurted.

"What?" he frowned, confused.

"We both did, Kasen and I both did." I suddenly jumped off of the table he had me resting on, and was pacing about the room. "You think we're married, Kasen's aunt and uncle think I'm his Padawan and they don't even know they're related to him…"

"Wait, wait; slow down. Did you say the word _Padawan?_"

I nodded, swallowing hard.

"You're Jedi?"

I nodded again, grimacing this time.

"My name really is Keelee Sarai, I was honest about that," I assured, "but Johl is Kasen's _last_ name. Kasen Johl was Master Kit Fisto's Jedi apprentice, until his very recent death."

Anton nodded, but I could tell he was confused.

"Maybe I should start from the beginning?"

He nodded again, resting his hand on his chin as I had seen Obi-Wan do so many times. It made a lump rise in my throat, but I forced it down quickly.

So I told him about my twin Keeloh and I being rebellious Padawans who couldn't just stick to the Order since we knew we were related and therefore were very naturally attached to each other.

"But you're human," Anton frowned, "what's wrong with being attached to your sibling – especially your _twin _sibling?"

"You don't understand the Jedi code, obviously," I laughed good-naturedly. "Attachment is like, the number-one forbiddance in the Order. You just can't do it."

"How is that even humanly possible?" Anton was aghast.

"I don't think it is," I winked, "but the Masters seem to think it works, so they indoctrinate us with impossibilities from the time we are infants."

I continued, as he shook his head, to explain my attachments to Masters Qui-Gon Jinn (up until his death) and Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker. I tried my best not to tear up when I mentioned his name, but failed miserably.

"The most—shameful—thing to do—is supposedly to leave the Or---Order," I hiccupped, trying to control my crying. "But I think what Anakin did was worse."

"What did he do?" Anton's handsome face was wrinkled with concern.

I told him the ugly story, in all its gruesome detail. He closed his eyes and shook his head, as if it were the most terrible thing he'd ever heard.

It probably was.

"He killed those children?"

"Yes. We don't know why he did it." I went on to explain how I had escaped the siege with nothing but my life and my lightsaber, and how I had met up with Kasen, and finally how we had snuck aboard the Nubian ship to hitch a ride here, to Tatooine.

"You two are very brave, especially being so young," Anton half-smiled sadly.

I felt a twinge of hurt at being called _young_, but I forced it down. Just because I felt forty-seven years old didn't mean I was no longer sixteen.

"I miss them," I said, after telling him how the Masters hadn't returned, and neither had Anakin.

"So, it's true that there's a Jedi Master on Tatooine?"

"I'm not sure," I sniffed, "but I dreamt about him – Obi-Wan – last night, and that's why I was wandering the desert. I thought I was close to finding him, but then I heard your bantha, I guess, and freaked out."

"You were wandering around the desert in the middle of the night, by yourself, because of a dream? Is this an encouraged behavior among Jedi teenagers?" Anton's eyes twinkled, and I guessed that he was teasing me.

"No," I admitted, "but I'm not like most Jedi teenagers."

"I can see that." He smiled, and I knew he was just being kind.

"It's bad, in a lot of ways," I frowned. "I guess. But since the Order has basically fallen apart, with the loss of so many leaders and teachers, I'm sort of floundering in my belief system. I don't know what to stick to, and what to change. I'm not in a very good place these days."

I saw Anton nod, and I felt in some strange way that I could trust him.

"I almost killed my best friend yesterday," I whispered.

"You _what_?" This seemed to concern him more than me wandering around.

I nodded, crying openly again. "He said something that really tipped me off, and next thing I knew I had him pinned down and had my lightsaber out and turned on…"

Anton's blue-gray eyes widened. "Now I'm _really _glad I took that thing!"

"I am not proud of my actions, Anton." I looked down, feeling shameful again.

"I didn't mean it like that…" he frowned.

"How old are you?" I asked, looking up suddenly.

He laughed; a natural laugh that came from his heart. "I'm nearly twenty."

I nodded, taking in that information.

_That makes him nearly four years my senior…_

_That would be too old for a husband, wouldn't it?_

I almost laughed at myself, but I realized that Anton would ask me why.

_But then, I don't know anything about human relationships, really. I've been stuck inside the Jedi Temple for so long that I don't know how to lead a normal life._

"Normally, Jedi girls let their hair grow long," I found myself saying out of nowhere, "but that was another impulsive action on my part."

"You cut it?" Anton frowned, seeming sort of amused by this.

I nodded. "…With my lightsaber."

"You should probably leave that thing at home from now on, huh?"

I frowned.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's just how I deal with things."

"What do you have to _deal_ with? I am just talking." I was annoyed.

I felt as if _I _were the annoyance, however.

"I don't know," he shook his head, creasing his brow as if I had insulted him.

"I'm sorry," I apologized softly. "I'm very abrupt."

"I hadn't noticed."

The teasing twinkle was back in Anton's eyes as quickly as it had left.

I smiled.

Now we stood awkwardly in his dining area, staring at each other.

"I could take you home if you like," Anton offered, motioning with a thumb over his shoulder, pointing to the door.

"Sure," I shrugged.

But I was nervous.

I _really _didn't know what I was going to tell Kasen.

………

"She was asleep for a very long time," Anton was explaining to Nova and Yahni, and Kasen, too -- but Kasen's eyes were on me, and they were aflame.

And it wasn't with adoration.

"I'm going to explain to Lana that she isn't feeling well today. Kasen, would you like a ride to work in my speeder?"

Kasen nodded, jaw firm. "Sure, Anton - I'd _like_ that."

Anton nodded politely to Yahni and Nova, who thanked him for taking care of me. Kasen gave me a hard look, one that declared _we'll talk about this later_.

"Yes, _thank you_, Anton," he was saying, keeping his eyes on me even as they walked outside into the newly-risen suns.

And then they were gone.

………

By noontime, I was going crazy.

I had tried so hard just to sleep, to take advantage of this down-time, but the _dreams_ just kept _coming_, leaving me tossing, turning, _restless_…

Nova was busy getting food and supplies in town, and Yahni was far off, working somewhere, I didn't know where.

I was now sitting in the cave-home alone.

And it was unnerving.

So, being the impetuous, rebellious Padawan I've always been, I slipped on my tunic, clipped my lightsaber to my belt, slid a lidded strap-mug full of water over my head and made my way out into the Tatooine sunshine.

Despite the roving tales of the vicious Tusken Raiders and their gaffi sticks I had recently heard from Yahni, I continued to trudge on through the desert. The sun was high in the sky now, beating down on my head hot enough to make me sweat.

After traveling a few kilometers, stopping only a few times to catch my breath and wet my throat with the now-warm water, I was closer to the caverns than I had been the night before.

My heart thudded with anticipation and excitement, and not a little fear.

I could actually make out the tops of them, the entrances to the inside, and it drove me forward.

I could barely see, the suns were blaring so brightly in the otherwise empty sky.

_But it would be worth it._

I trudged on, ignoring the heat and the blinding suns-light and the weariness of my small frame. I pushed past all of my stubborn physical limits, reaching deep inside my core, tapping into the strength of the Force.

_Help me,_ I heard _his _voice again.

I walked on.

………

Somewhere along the road, I had fallen. I was lying in the middle of the sand, and my skin felt as if it were on fire. I didn't know how long I had been there, but it had to have been a considerable amount of time. The line between consciousness and darkness wore very thin, and I recognized how far the sun had dipped in the sky.

And then I heard the rustling.

_Please, please be Anton's naughty bantha…_

But the guttural grunts and yelps and animal snorts told me it wasn't.

Before I could stop myself, fear for my life took over my senses, and I let out a scream. A Force scream, so loud it echoed across the expansive nothingness of the desert and rang against the nearby cavern walls as it made my throat raw and mouth dry.

I heard new sounds, and felt a ripple of fear in the Force.

This time, it was not my own.

I felt a surge of power, a shrewd confidence from deep within that I had never before experienced. I felt as if I could fly.

But it was a fleeting, ugly feeling, and lasted only a moment.

In the next breath, I had collapsed to the ground in an unconscious heap.

………

I awoke with a start, fearful that I had been kidnapped. I slowly regained complete consciousness, feeling for pain or injury all throughout my tired body.

When I found none, I wondered absently how I kept falling into these messes.

I tried to sit up, but fell down within a moment, weaker than I'd ever felt.

I heard a rustling, but didn't dare open my eyes, didn't dare move or even breathe.

I fell into the Force, searching it for life-signatures.

What I found shocked me more than anything in the universe could have.

_Master Obi-Wan?_


	13. Reunion

The excitement that had flooded my heart was short-lived, however, when the face I saw coming towards me was not my beloved Master Obi-Wan Kenobi's, but was indeed a horrible-looking creature, with scary teeth and strange goggles and animal rage pouring forth from its countenance.

I tried to brandish my lightsaber to defend myself, but before I could reach it, I felt my legs being knocked out from under me. I heard more rustling, and angry guttural speech in a tongue I didn't understand, some sort of _honking_ sound, and then I heard the unmistakable _snap-hiss _of a lightsaber. My heart caught in my throat, and suddenly the prospect of being killed with my own weapon was did not seem quite as appealing as it had days earlier. I winced in pain from my legs, but I tried to rise, only to be hit square in the lower back from that horrible stick-weapon. I fell all over myself again, landing in the sand with a hard _thud_. The strange part was, I felt my lightsaber press against my left hip, though it did not ignite.

This recognition was the last thought I had before my world was black once more.

………

_This is pathetic, _I thought to myself as I was waking up for the fourth-or-fifth time in two days. _You are weak. No wonder you were never chosen to be anyone's Padawan._

Tears stung my eyes at my own berating.

I tried to get my bearings, remembering vaguely a dream about Obi-Wan's all-too-familiar presence… and hearing a lightsaber…

And then I felt a warm, rough hand on my forehead.

Followed by that feeling came a rush of cold air, but it felt as if it were a breeze blowing _inside _my body. It was instantly soothing, and my entire body relaxed.

Soon after, I felt a familiar presence hovering above me, followed by an even more familiar voice.

"There now," he said, "you'll be good as new, soon enough."

_Master Obi-Wan!?_

_Was it a dream… am I still dreaming?_

I feared opening my eyes; he was so close, I could almost touch him.

Experimentally, as if testing the limits of my dreaming, I extended my arm completely, wiggling my fingers.

My hand brushed a very familiar fabric.

My breath stopped short.

"Oh, my," the voice said again, sounding both weary and startled.

Tears pushed their way to the place where my lids met, threatening to pour down my flushed face. _What a cruel, yet wonderful dream, _I thought wistfully.

_At least I am with him when I am unconscious. That is better than never at all._

But I _felt_ someone stroking my short hair, felt breath in my face, felt the texture of work-roughened skin as a hand was rested palm-up on my forehead.

_Dreams cannot be so realistic, can they? _

My heart pounded with hope.

I forced my eyes open, figuring, that wouldn't disturb the dream much, if it already feel so very real. I'd just be waking in the dream, right?

The hand that was resting on my forehead was attached to an arm that was covered by a sleeve that was blocking my view.

_Oh no, _I thought woefully, _I'm blind!_

_No, it's just a sleeve._

_A sleeve!?_

Instinctively, I grabbed the wrist attached to the hand, and pulled the sleeve from impairing my vision.

The face that I stared up into caused any and all emotional dams to break.

Before I could think my face was streaked with tears.

"M--Master _Obi-Wan_?" I dared ask aloud, barely above a whisper.

He did not respond with speech, but I felt a stirring in the Force.

Blue-green eyes widened with shock at being recognized. _Or was it at recognizing me?_

Dirty, short-cropped reddish-brown hair hung down in those eyes despite his hope that they wouldn't, and a normally well-trimmed beard was being worn scraggly and unkempt. But the eyes… the eyes were unmistakably Master Obi-Wan Kenobi's, yet they were not simply the warm, compassionate eyes they once were.

Now they were full of guilt, and pain, and anguish, and suffering, with intensity unlike any I had ever seen before.

"Do you—remember me?" I asked hoarsely, trying to talk through sobs.

Again, he didn't answer verbally.

Instead, he crushed me to his chest, as if I were his only child that had run away from home and just returned.

And we wept together, sobbing and clinging to each other.

_Like a child separated from parent, like a daughter separated from her father…_

The attachment was undeniable, from him as well as me, if only slightly duller.

It eased my guilt, and warmed my heart, and yet it still made me sad.

Some people might have looked in and found this scene questionable, but there was only innocence in our embrace.

My beloved Master Obi-Wan was the only link between me and sanity.

_Even Kasen has been making me nervous and unsettled lately. _

Master Obi-Wan was my solid rock; my home away from home!

But he felt_ different_ now.

"Master Obi-Wan, what's wrong?" I asked dumbly.

_What a stupid question, Keelee. It's the other Masters! You're an idiot._

He wiped his nose on his sleeve, and exhaled with purpose.

I knew it had to be the death of the Masters; he would've felt it even deeper than I could have… but what about _Anakin_? I wondered if he knew, and if not, if I could bear to put him through the pain of knowing.

"Anakin…" he said softly, his voice cracking with emotion, eyes down.

My eyes widened. _He knows?_

"Thank the Force you are safe," he said to me, looking up again. "I thought… I thought he had gotten all of you…" he choked up again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said, trying to swallow the lump gathering in my throat.

He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "Do you know of Chancellor Palpatine?"

I rolled my eyes. "Current-Government lesson from last week; yes, Master, I know of him."

Master Kenobi hesitated, but spoke anyway:

"He is the Sith lord we've been searching for."

My eyes widened again.

"After the death of Count Dooku, he was looking for a new apprentice… one strong in the Force and easy prey…" Master Obi-Wan put his hands on his face.

I felt my heart sink to my intestines.

"And Anakin filled that void," I said, voice barely above a whisper.

Master Obi-Wan just nodded.

I couldn't believe it. _Anakin, a Sith lord?_

It was logical, given recent events. But it was _Anakin_. It couldn't be true.

"Senator Amidala suffered his loss greatly. She—she had his children, and was in perfect health, but…"

"You mean, he didn't kill her?" For some reason, that struck me as wonderful.

"No," The Master shook his head. "He loved Padmé and his attachment to her, as well as his mother, lead to many problems in his heart. That is how Darth Sideous was able to lure him to the Dark side."

Master Obi-Wan was not sobbing anymore.

_I suppose one gets numb toward such things after a while, but it has been mere days since Anakin's fall…_

"Master Obi-Wan, I heard rumors of a battle on Mustafar. Are they truth?"

He raised his eyes again, this time, his eyebrows too.

Guilt shone in them, also – guilt, and deep anguish.

"Yoda sent me to kill him."

…_sent him to kill _**_Anakin_**

"_Kill_ him?"

Master Obi-Wan just nodded, getting teary-eyed again.

"So _that_ is the Jedi way?" I spat.

I rose now, pacing the floor, frustrated and lost all over again.

"A Padawan goes astray, and we hunt them down and kill them for their attachment, for their humanness—," I was going to continue, but Master Obi-Wan was crying again.

"I didn't want to," he barely choked out.

"_What?_" I asked, wide-eyed and fearful.

"I didn't want to _kill_ him, Keelee. He was like my brother, my son…"

"But Master Obi-Wan, he killed _younglings_… Babies! Children! Liam… and, he killed _Keeloh,_" I whispered the last word, hot, angry tears filling my eyes as I remembered the loss.

A loud sob escaped his lips, one that sounded as if it hurt his ribs to let it.

"How could Yoda send _you_ to do such a thing?" I was so confused.

I didn't know who to be mad at -- Yoda, for assigning my dear Master Obi-Wan to kill his own Padawan – even though that Padawan was now a dangerous criminal/Sith lord on the loose? Master Obi-Wan, for disobeying strict Master's orders by _not_ killing his own Padawan – when I disobeyed strict orders from the beginning, getting attached to everyone I allowed myself to get to know? Should I have condemned poor, beautiful, unfortunate Padmé Amidala for falling in love with Anakin (or at him for falling for her, even though I had fallen for Kasen)? Or should I just hate that horrible, wicked Sideous person for being such a heartless snake and leading him astray?

The result of this conversation was, again, a heavy heart.

"I must go," I told Master Obi-Wan softly, regrettably.

"Where are you staying?"

I blushed. "I thought it was Mos Espa, but I was misinformed. Kasen and I don't know our way around the universe so well… apparently, we are nearest to Mos _Eisley_. …Or was it Anchorhead? Ugh, we are pretty bad at this…"

Master Obi-Wan gave a tiny smile. "I meant, who are you staying with?"

"Oh!" I blushed again. "…with Kasen's aunt and uncle."

Master Obi-Wan frowned. "He knows they are related?"

"They are Liam's parents."

His shoulders sagged as he breathed the phrase, "oh, dear."

I lifted one corner of my lips in a sad half-smile.

"Do they know?"

I shook my head.

"Oh, my…"

"I cannot tell them, Master Obi-Wan. I would rather let dear Nova die thinking Liam is a Jedi Knight, than tell her that he is dead." The last word stung to say.

Master Obi-Wan pursed his lips, considering this. Then he nodded, and I brightened.

"I think that is a wise decision, Keelee. But if she asks you of his whereabouts, you must not lie."

A twinge of guilt twisted my stomach. _You didn't _lie_; you just told her what you remembered about Liam. _But I promised anyway.

"Yes, Master."

"Be safe, dear Keelee." He took my hand in his own and patted it.

"I will try, Master." I bowed my head respectfully.

"And, Keelee…?" I heard him call as I was walking back outside.

"Yes, Master Obi-Wan?"

"Do try and visit – but bring Kasen next time."

"I will, Master. I promise."

And with a courteous bow, I walked out into the Tatooine suns-shine.


	14. Warmth

Before I could make any sense of anything, as soon as I was past the caverns I was scrambling aimlessly in the desert sand; everything was a hazy blur as hurt, angry tears blurred my vision. It seemed as if all I could do anymore was cry and _ache_.

I had to go somewhere, but I knew I could not go to Miss Nova's house.

I could not have explained this to _any_ of them right now.

Not even Kasen.

I fell twice, but picked myself up each time, running with all my might toward the only other living being I knew I could trust in this vast wasteland…

When that door slid open, I practically fell inside.

Anton Flasgo stepped back and reached out both his arms, holding me at the elbows with a gentle yet strong grasp. He was staring at me hard, probably trying unsuccessfully to make sense of the long string of nonsense I was currently blathering.

"Keelee, please slow down; what's the matter?" His concern was obvious.

And it was understandable -- considering a blubbering, scrambling teenage girl had just collapsed through his front door.

I took a few hiccupping breaths as he lead me to a chair.

I crumpled into it like a dejected rag doll, burying my face in my dirty hands as I tried to calm myself.

Anton was rubbing my back awkwardly, probably thinking I was crazy.

Maybe I _was _crazy.

I took four long, deep, calming breaths, and willed my tears away.

When I finally regained composure, Anton was seated across from me, waiting for me to explain my sudden appearance.

How I had known he would be home from working at Lana's shop, I did not understand. I guess it had become much later than I realized.

"The battle at Mustafar… it really happened," I said, my voice low and croaky with emotion.

My chest was still jerking sharply from time to time from sobbing so hard.

Anton's gray-blue eyes widened considerably.

"What was it about?" he asked, clearly interested.

I sighed deeply, and poured out the whole story. But as I finished, I made him swear he wouldn't tell a soul. He nodded.

"I won't," he promised. "That's terrible, Keelee. So, you're telling me this psycho is still on the loose then?"

I felt an angry tug at my heart when he called Anakin a _psycho_, for reasons I could not explain. Perhaps I was still attached.

It was a painful attachment, one I was certain I would work at until I severed it.

"Master Kenobi didn't tell me what became of him, just that he wasn't dead. But I felt such _guilt _from him. I suppose it was because it was he disappointed Master Yoda, but I think it was more than that. He may not have killed Anakin, but I think he came closer than he wanted to..." I exhaled through my nose, squeezing my eyes shut tight. I told myself I was no longer allowed to cry. I decided right then that crying was a weak action, one that I had taken too much, and would not take again.

I knew deep down it was ridiculous, but I didn't care. _I will not cry._

"This must be very rough on you," I heard Anton's warm, sympathetic voice say.

My heart surged, and I swallowed the lump building in my throat stubbornly.

I simply nodded.

"Your Master must be proud of you for surviving," he pointed out, evidently trying to make the situation positive.

I let out a small, cynical laugh. "If you can call it that… but Master Obi-Wan is not _my_ master."

Anton raised a curious eyebrow.

"He _is_ a Master. He is just not mine."

"I know that, I just refer to any loved one as _mine_. I guess it just came out wrong, huh?" He chuckled a little, running a hand through his wavy red-gold hair.

I sniffed, nodding. "I understand now, though."

We fell silent for a moment, and I twiddled my thumbs beneath the fabric of my tunic. It was a nervous practice, one I had developed underneath Jedi sleeves for years.

"I'd better take you home," Anton finally said. He rose from his seat, and extended his hand to me.

I took it, and felt a strange warmth flow through me. It started in my chest, and spread all over. I blinked twice, startled by it.

_Did that come from him, or me?_

_Or both?_

I willed the thoughts away, rising and allowing Anton to lead me to his speeder.

"Thank you for taking me in… _again_," I smiled shyly.

"You're more than welcome," he told me, eyes focused ahead.

But I saw his lips curve into a smile.

It was a strange, almost _wistful _smile, something I couldn't put my finger on.

_Stop being such a female, _I scolded myself. _He is just being himself – a generous person, a kind man. You're being ridiculous._

_Yes, you're being silly. This proves how young you are, in comparison to him. You still have your childish fantasies of running from the Order, to be married…_

_Do you want to end up like Anakin? _

My own thoughts stung, and I set my jaw.

_No, I will _never_ end up like Anakin._


	15. Hatred

"Are you sure you two aren't secret lovers?" Yahni said with a curious eyebrow raised, and a twinkle in the eyes beneath.

I went wide-eyed and flushed crimson at the accusation, but I felt Anton's embarrassment, discomfort from beside me…

…_and Kasen's anger, suspicion…_

"Of course not, sir," Anton shook his head hard. "I would never take advantage of a woman, especially not one so young and innocent."

I frowned.

_There's that "young" word again. _

And as much as I enjoyed hearing myself described as _innocent_, by Jedi standards I was far from it.

After a few more cordial words, Anton took his leave.

Yahni stepped inside, laughing with Nova, who was shaking her head.

Kasen just stood there, staring at me; arms crossed, shoulders back, feet far apart.

I could _feel_ everything he was going to say, and felt myself grow angry.

"I—," I heard him start; I held up a hand.

"_Don't _start accusing me."

"Oh no, dear Keelee, not you – _him_," Kasen's blue eyes flashed.

Anger gave way to shock, and shock to fury; my green eyes were blazing.

"What do you mean, 'him'? What did he do, other than bring me home?"

"I don't know, you tell _me_." Kasen's tone was daunting, accusatory.

"How dare you! He has done _nothing_ to me but be my friend."

"…your _friend_? Do you think that is all a grown man wants – your _friendship?_"

Suddenly, parts of the Jedi code that were burned into my brain flashed into my present thoughts. "_Attachment leads to _**_jealousy_**_ – the shadow of greed, that is," _I heard Master Yoda's gravelly voice explain.

My heart lurched. It was happening, right before my eyes.

_Kasen was turning to the Dark side._

"Kasen, I…"

"Keelee, if he comes around here ever again, I will kill him."

The words struck like lightning in my heart.

"You will _what?_" The intensity in his tone, his eyes frightened me.

He was serious.

"I will _kill_ him," Kasen stated flatly, coldly. "Plain and simple: If he comes here again, I will simply cut off his head."

"Kasen, you don't mean that," I pleaded.

"Oh, but I do," he said, his voice low and even. "You are _mine_ and he will _not_ take you away from me."

My face screwed up into a confused and appalled expression.

"You do not _own_ me," I spat. "Possession is _forbidden _for a Jedi."

"So is love, as is attachment," he shot back, "but we have broken _both_."

Then he stepped forward, eyes intense, and pulled me toward him.

But when he bent down to kiss me, I pushed him away.

He frowned, but stepped close again, undaunted.

I shoved harder this time.

"Don't," I told him.

But he wasn't listening.

As he obliterated the inches between our faces, I turned my head, and felt his lips press hard against my cheek.

He pulled back, shock evident in his face.

"I said, _don't_," I whimpered, feeling dejected.

"It was okay before," he pouted, sounding like a child.

"You didn't claim to _own_ me before," I shot back, crossing my arms.

"_Fine_," he spat, turning away from me.

So we stood there, backs to each other, fuming and pouting like two-year-olds.

But we weren't two; I was sixteen and he, eighteen. These issues were _real_, and made me realize I was far from the days of stubborn younglings fighting over toy blocks.

"I'm sorry," I heard him utter. But he didn't _feel_ sorry.

"No, you're not."

"_Yes_, I am."

"I'm sorry, too," I said, and his eyes brightened.

But my face was somber. "I'm sorry that we let this get so far out of hand."

I watched a mixture of emotions register across his handsome face.

_First of all, surprise, then sadness, then desperation…_

"Yes, yes, out of _our_ hands – maybe it's the will of the Force!" His eyes pleaded.

But I turned away. "Or maybe we are just disobedient Padawans who need some time apart from each other for a while."

We fell silent, for what seemed like hours.

…_then came frustration, then anger, which gave way to pure rage, and then…_

"I hate you," I heard him utter, just above an angry whisper.

…_and then came hatred._

The words did greatly sting, but I did not let myself cry.

Before I could say anything, Yahni strolled out into the setting sunlight, smiling cheerfully and announcing that Nova was finished cooking.

Kasen strode past him, disappearing inside.

Yahni looked over his shoulder, forehead wrinkling thoughtfully.

"What's with him?" Yahni asked, turning to me.

I shrugged, so he repeated the gesture and I followed him inside.

………

"Can you please pass the tangaroots?" I asked softly.

They sat, steaming hot on the large plate in front of _Kasen_.

Cold, and silently fuming, Kasen slid it over to me, hard, without touching it.

A few of the tangaroots tumbled off onto the table.

Nova and Yahni both stared, wide-eyed.

My heart was pounding, my mind was scrambling…

"Uh, that's… that's how we do it in the Temple," I blurted.

They nodded, satisfied.

I sighed inwardly, relieved.

But then I was fuming again, angry at Kasen for being so careless… and worried at the ease with which he'd slammed the plate to me.

_It was as if… _

I shook the thought away. It just wasn't possible.

"So, how was work today?" I asked Yahni cheerfully.

"Oh, it was pretty average," he started to explain… but I was bored with eating, and just nodded at the socially appropriate points of conversation for the rest of the meal.

It was going to be a long life.


	16. Loneliness

I tossed and turned that night, unable to sleep, playing the day's events over and over in my tired mind.

I forced myself to lie still, on my back, staring at the ceiling.

I squeezed my eyes shut again, and fell into memories.

"_Doing very well, you are," Master Yoda encouraged, letting out his signature amused giggle at our progress._

_Keeloh and I were four years old, and were swinging our tiny blue lightsabers with happiness._

"_Thank you, Master Yoda!" I said in my small voice._

"_Yes, thank you, Master," Keeloh said humbly, eyes intensely focused on the blaster bolts being tossed his way._

"_Fight well together, you do," Master Yoda nodded, watching our form._

_We had been standing back-to-back, up against two practice hover-droids as they spit red laser blasts at us. We had been deflecting them well, guessing their pinpoints before they could reach us._

"_Now, pull down your helmets, you must," Master Yoda explained. He flipped a switch with the Force, turning off one of the practice droids and stilling the other as he waited for us to obey._

"_Yes, Master," we said in unison, pulling down the large bowl-shaped helmets to cover our eyes and test our Force reflexes._

_They were exquisite, and Master Yoda took notice, chuckling and watching._

_When he moved on to the other younglings, Keeloh and I had fallen into step with each other, my weaknesses became his strengths, and vice versa._

_It was our twin-thing…_

I woke up to the suns rising, unchecked tears stinging my eyes.

Loneliness howled through the giant void in my heart.

I yanked the backs of my wrists over my eyes defiantly, inhaling sharply and willing away the tears, the memories. I had work to do still today.

………

At Lana's, Kasen gave me the silent treatment, but Anton was still concerned for me. He made a point of helping me with everything, and even stepped on my foot once in the process of doing something so I wouldn't have to.

"How did you sleep last night?" he asked me quickly.

I looked at him strangely, confused. "Alright, I guess."

"Better than the night before?"

_He's referring to my vision-dreams._

"Yes, anything's better than that, I suppose," I laughed ruefully.

He chuckled a bit with me, taking the large basket of heavy, folded fabrics from the shelf above me and moving them to Lana's mending station.

I placed my hands on my hips. "I could've done that, you know."

"Yes, I know," Anton's gray-blue eyes smiled, and I felt my heart lurch.

_Stop it,_ I screamed at myself, _you are being ridiculous! If you keep letting your thoughts go down this path, he will hate you just as Kasen hates you._

The thought sickened me.

But as his hand brushed my shoulder as he replaced the basket to its original place later that day, the strange warmth was back.

And it was entering from the _outside,_ in.

My heart lurched again.

"I can take you home, if you want," Anton offered as our day at work came to a close. He had noticed Kasen's silent treatment, and had asked me about it quietly, but I hadn't told him anything.

I felt a sudden white-hot surge of rage explode from across the way.

_Kasen…_

_He'll slaughter him._

"That's alright," I shook my head. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Anton asked, searching my green eyes imploringly.

I bit my lower lip.

"You'd better not," I decided. "You'll be safer if I just go home with Kasen."

"What do you mean, _I'll _be_ safer_? You mean from Yahni's teasing?"

His eyes twinkled.

"No," I lowered my voice to a near-whisper, "from Kasen."

Anton scoffed at this. "I'm not afraid of him."

_You should be, _I thought sadly.

"It doesn't matter," I sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright, Miss Keelee," Anton said resignedly. "See you."

But as I watched him climb into his speeder and heard its engines fire, I felt a sudden unexplainable longing echoing through the gaping hole in my heart.

_You're doing the right thing, _I assured myself silently. _Kasen _will_ keep his jealous promise to hurt him. You are protecting a citizen. That is what any Jedi would do._

_It does _not_ mean you are attached._

It all seemed so justifiable in my head; the heart-surges, the longing, the protectiveness… it was all just a huge dose of Jedi-like compassion, and I would have done any Master proud with such intentions.

So why did I not believe it?

"Come on," Kasen's harsh voice interrupted my personal musings.

I stared at him. He stared back for a long moment, and I saw inside of him.

_He is hurting. So am I, therefore I cannot blame him._

But I _wanted_ to blame him. I wanted him to feel badly for saying terrible things.

_Revenge is of the Dark side, _I remembered. It just made me angry.

Kasen turned his gaze to his old Master's speeder, and walked over to it, climbing into the pilot's seat and turning on the engine.

I sighed and followed suit.


	17. Wisdom

Months later, Kasen and I still hadn't spoken to each other, even living under the same roof… and I started to consider Anton's offers for a ride. Kasen had been so quiet, and so sad, that I didn't suppose he was still so very angry that he'd carry out his threats.

I had visited Master Obi-Wan twice in the past few months, first with Kasen in a desperate attempt to bring him back to his senses, the second time I had just hopped in Master Fisto's old speeder and come myself. Master Obi-Wan had been very pleased to see Kasen, until he sensed the distance between us, the sadness, the anger… We had worried him, I knew, and when I showed up alone it had been worse. I had sighed, told him the whole story, and he had explained the lure of the Dark side, and how innocent attachment can _seem_ when it is really the most dangerous of all the distractions. It was disheartening, especially in light of my latest struggles…

Even though our debt had been paid to Lana by now, I felt lead to lend her my youthful strength long after.

_That, and _Anton_ still worked there._

I had been trying to tell myself that I was just being a good Jedi, helping out a woman in need… but the truthful voice in my head always chided that she had two grown men to help her, and I would silently argue with myself, thinking things like, _not with nimble, girlish fingers!_

I had gotten very good at stitching delicate patterns on little-girl tunics, and they were selling for a few more truguts as a result. Lana had been pleased.

Anton had taken notice of my many abilities too, and gave me proud smiles from time to time. I still hadn't decided if they were big-brother smiles, or co-worker smiles.

Lana had teased me over and over that they were _lover's smiles_, as if she had been reading my thoughts. I blushed once, and that made her laugh even harder.

But I was beginning to believe that her theory had a foundation.

Lately, I had been sensing someone staring at me, for long periods of time. I had then turned each time, only to stare into Anton's gray-blue eyes. He would hold my gaze, almost longingly for a moment before turning away, back to his work.

I secretly enjoyed it more each time.

And he wouldn't turn twenty for another few months, and I would be seventeen soon after. _That is not so young, _I had thought absently.

But I always forced such thoughts away.

No matter where I lived, I was still a Jedi.

Wasn't I?

I still _felt_ like I always had, only a little more callused, less naïve.

It made me feel older, and wiser.

I had come to learn an important lesson…

**Wisdom was painful.**


	18. Annie

As I was working that afternoon on a ring of dainty little Naboo flowers around the top opening of a small tan tunic, I felt _the stare_ again.

I fell into the Force as I stitched, feeling for whom it was so I wouldn't have to turn around and look…

I was met with a life-signature so recognizable now that it felt almost like my brother's.

Anton shone with a warm intensity in the Force spectrum.

The warmth was directed toward _me_, I was certain of it.

At first, I welcomed it, letting it wash through me in secret.

But guilt and sadness splashed in my heart like ice, and I sighed inwardly, forcing myself to come back to reality, to the physical, where things like this weren't always noticed so _easily_, so freely.

I turned around, looking over my shoulder with a smile. It was a wistful smile, but I made it look polite. Anton wouldn't know the difference, he wasn't Jedi.

_But I am, and I have to stop this madness!_

I was so torn.

Torn between the past and the future, old attachments and new, the rules I had been taught and what my heart was screaming to be truth.

Anton's square-shouldered silhouette was both strong and attractive, as the first sun of Tatooine was setting. It lit up the drab sky with rich orange-red hues, backlighting Anton with its own warmth.

The second sun was following suit, orange in color and fully round.

I swallowed, willing my heart to leave my throat.

"Please stop staring at me," I said, trying to sound teasing. But emotion made my voice catch, and I hoped it didn't come out pathetic.

"Why, do I make you nervous?" His voice was dripping with amusement, and I shook my head, laughing.

"Yes," I said, "and I'm trying to work."

"It's almost sundown," he reasoned. "Your shift is almost over."

I rolled my eyes. "Almost," I threw back.

"So, don't stare at her until she's finished, boy!" I heard Lana call from a few meters away. I didn't even bother to stifle a giggle at her scolding.

Anton rolled his eyes and I turned back around to focus on my stitches.

But I heard footsteps, and then he was sitting down next to me.

"There," he said proudly, "I will stare straight ahead until you're finished."

"Ah…" I was going to protest, but decided against it.

He was a stubborn fool.

_This is _not_ helping me control my feelings, Anton._

I tried to go back to my Naboo flowers, but now he was tapping his feet in the sand and drumming his hands on his knees.

I let out a loud sigh, exasperated.

"Lana, he is an impossible man," I yelled.

"Just go home, Keelee," she responded, laughing. "You have done more than your share this day anyhow."

"Thank you, Lana. I will finish Rachelle's little Naboo flowers tomorrow." I rose from the metal bench-seat I had been trying to work on, and Anton followed suit.

"Can I please take you home now?" He asked, his voice bursting just behind me.

"…To my home or yours?" I asked mischievously, obviously teasing.

"Well, my sister is coming into town and staying with me tonight, if you'd like to meet her," he offered, eyes twinkling.

"That sounds delightful," I laughed, walking into Lana's hovel to put away my near-finished tunic. As I reached to put it in the basket, though, I had another thought.

"Hey, Lana?" I called out.

"Yes, dear," she responded, appearing in the doorway.

"I think I'll just take this with me and have it finished by morning," I told her.

She smiled. "So ambitious, this one…" She turned to Anton. "You'd better not take advantage of her," she wagged a finger in his direction. "She is quite a catch!"

I felt startled, but Anton just shook his head as Lana burst into cackling laughter.

"Crazy old woman," he muttered.

"I heard that," her voice echoed from the hallway.

Anton and I just laughed.

Now I dutifully followed him, allowing him to help me into his speeder before he leapt into the pilot's side.

"Where's Kasen, anyway?" He asked after a few minutes of silent travel.

I rolled my eyes. "He's probably home, pouting."

(I had grown quite cynical, hadn't I?)

But Anton burst out laughing, and I smiled to myself.

"You are so funny, Keelee," he shook his head, eyes focused ahead.

"Thank you," I said, gleefully going back to work on my tiny Naboo flowers.

"It's one of the things I love about you," I thought I heard him say.

My hands froze. I jerked my head to the left, inspecting his face, but it didn't indicate he had said anything out of the ordinary.

I stared down at the unfinished design on the small tunic, falling into the Force and letting it control my hands.

_Otherwise, they would've still been shaking._

"You will love my sister," I heard Anton's voice after a while, not realizing how deeply I had drifted inward.

"She's fire-eyed, like you are," I looked over and saw a grin spread across his face, deepening the adorable dimples in his cheeks.

"Fire-eyed, huh?" I repeated, staring down at the Naboo flowers again, fighting for concentration (for the seventy-eighth time that day).

"Yeah, she's pretty passionate," he smiled, trying to downplay his near-insult.

_Smart man, _I mused, grinning.

Before he could call me any more names, we were parking the speeder in front of his home. The front door slid open, and out ran a tall woman with red-gold hair that matched Anton's perfectly.

She approached the parked speeder, squealing like a child. Anton took one swift leap from the pilot's seat and rushed for her, picking her up in his arms and spinning her around in fast circles.

"Stop that, Anton, you're making my dizzy!" she scolded as he put her down.

But they were both smiling, and joy emanated from them in giant waves.

It made me smile, but when they both turned to me, my heart caught in my throat.

She was the same height, had the same gray-blue eyes, the same nose, the same dimples in her cheeks when she smiled…

_They are twins._

The realization slammed on me like a flood, but I willed away the tears that were forming behind my eyes. I blinked stubbornly, and forced a big grin as Anton came over to help me out.

"Annie, this is Keelee," Anton was saying.

_Annie? _I sighed inwardly at the name.

"She's so beautiful! Please, tell me you're going to marry this one," Annie was gushing, grinning as I walked next to Anton.

My eyes bulged, and she giggled.

"Annie," Anton frowned, "Keelee is sixteen, and she is just a friend."

I felt a pang of hurt, but forced it far down, so it wouldn't register on my face.

Annie rolled her eyes. "Okay, Anton."

I twisted a strand of my brown hair, which now fell just past my shoulders. It was not all one length anymore, though, but rather it fell in long layers.

"It's very nice to meet you, Annie," I managed, extending my hand.

She giggled again and pulled me into a huge hug.

My eyes widened, but then I relaxed. I was going to like this woman.


	19. Nerves

We walked inside, and sat around Anton's table. They were talking excitedly, catching up on family affairs while I stitched away, listening quietly.

"Oh!" I heard Annie exclaim.

When Anton didn't say anything, and she didn't continue, I looked up, from her face to his rapidly.

"What?" I asked, startled.

She reached over and touched one of the small Naboo flowers I was stitching.

"This is _gorgeous_," she said excitedly. "Do you make larger ones?"

Anton shook his head. "You are so easily distracted."

Annie frowned at her brother. "And you are so rude. But I don't point out _your _faults to you."

"You just did!" Anton said, laughing, incredulous.

"Get over it," Annie rolled her eyes.

"Our birthday is next month," Anton changed the subject.

"He says _I'm _easily distracted," Annie whispered to me. I giggled.

"Am I going to see you?" He asked her, ignoring her insult.

"Yes, of course," she smiled. "Why wouldn't you?"

"I don't know, you're so busy with your art, and your new boyfriend… where is Jansen, by the way?"

"You think I'd bring him _here_?" She pretended to be aghast.

I loved this girl's guts.

"Oh, forgive me, I guess it won't last long enough for me to meet him again," Anton shot back.

"I'm an artist," she said dramatically, "my tastes change frequently."

I laughed at her theatrical words, and Anton just huffed at her.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to freshen up, unpack my things – you know: girl things." She smiled at the two of us, getting up from the table gracefully and leaving the room.

That just left me and Anton.

It was unnerving, to be sure.

"She's wonderful," I broke the sudden awkward silence.

"Isn't she?" he smiled, nodding in agreement. "I told you that you'd love her."

"I do," I laughed. "And you're right, she is fire-eyed."

"I meant that in a good way… earlier, I mean," Anton said softly, almost shyly.

It was strange; I had never imagined Anton to be shy about _anything_.

But here we were.

"I know," I said, smiling. "You're right, anyway," I laughed good-naturedly.

He laughed a little too, but then he fell silent.

I rose from the table, walking around the kitchen, trying to distract myself from the _warmth_ that was stretching across the table again.

_You're his sister,_ I told myself stubbornly._ His sister, his sister, his sister…_

I heard him stand up, and cross the room. I felt him pull up beside me, and my chest burned.

He put a gentle hand on my shoulder, and I turned to face him, pulse racing.

_He's going to tell you to go home, _I told myself. _You're leaving! You're…_

But now _he_ was fire-eyed… eyes suddenly such an intense blue I found myself entranced by them. I crossed my arms, trying to fight my emotions physically…

Before I understood what was happening – things fell into place as if they were speeding past me and going in slow motion all at once.

I felt his work-roughened hands on my face, inhaled his scent, felt his _warmth_…

And then his lips met mine, and the universe around me stopped.

And when he finally pulled away, everything went on moving normally.

I just kept my eyes closed; he was still holding my chin in both hands.

When I finally opened my eyes to look at him, his eyes were wide and fearful.

He was looking _past_ me. He put his hands behind his back.

"Oh, sorry, I'll leave you two _friends_ alone," I heard Annie's voice say, emphasizing the word _friends_ with much dripping sarcasm.

I heard her walk out of the room, and both of our eyes widened.

And then, we burst into laughter.

It was a good release.

Anton ran a hand through his hair, and I scratched at my neck.

_Well, this is incredibly awkward._

We both went to speak at the same time, and then laughed again.

"You first," I challenged.

Anton took a deep breath, and looked at the floor for a moment.

_You're almost four years my senior, Anton. Maybe you should apologize, and we can pretend it never happened? _I thought, as rationally as I could with a dry mouth, spinning head and pounding heart.

"First of all, I didn't mean to do that." He said, biting his lower lip.

For some reason, I felt disappointed. I just kept looking down.

"Second of all, the only reason I'd be sorry right now is because you're a Jedi, and I might've just corrupted you. Now that you'd do bad things now because I'm so wonderful that you have to give everything up because of me…"

I held up a hand.

"I've been down this road before, and it's ended badly," I explained.

He winced. "Kasen?"

I nodded. "So maybe we should just pretend like this never happened, and just go back to being 'just friends'."

Anton's shoulders slumped a bit; he looked disappointed by this idea.

"I…" he sighed, running a hand through his hair again. "If that's really what you want, Keelee… I'll try my best."

Tears filled my eyes, and I stubbornly blinked them away.

"I don't _know_ what I want."

It was then that I realized that he was still only a few inches from me.

"Maybe some space, to start out with?" I hadn't meant for it to come out harshly, but it sounded meaner than it was.

"Oh, right," he backed up a large step. "Better?"

"Yes. Space is good," I said, twiddling my thumbs.

I could practically feel his _heartbeat_ through the Force, and it made me incredibly sad. _You got attached _again_, Keelee. You are heartless and mean. You're just going to hurt him… drive him away like you did to Kasen._

When I looked back up at Anton, angry tears streaked my face.

"Force; I swore I wasn't going to cry anymore," I muttered.

"Keelee, should I take you home?"

"Home…?" The word twisted my already confused heart into a bigger knot.

Did he mean Coruscant, or Nova and Yahni's cavern home?

I didn't know anymore.

"Yes. Home," Anton nodded, hoping I'd get it.

"Oh, yeah, that's probably the best idea." I angrily wiped the tears away.

"Just let me tell Annie so she doesn't think we've eloped," he tried to joke.

And I did manage to choke out a pathetic fake laugh before exiting out the front door, into the warm Tatooine night air, where I promptly cried harder.


	20. Awkward

Anton emerged from his house a few minutes later, wearing a large hooded robe. It was brown, like Master Obi-Wan's, and when I saw him, I burst into fresh tears.

_Not crying is a stupid plan. Then it just makes _more_ tears come out when you finally can't stand holding them in anymore._

"Keelee, I am so sorry I upset you like this," Anton's eyes were filled with remorse, his heart poured pain into the Force spectrum.

"No," I shook my head emphatically, "it's not just you, Anton. I am just very confused right now."

"I'm sure I didn't help matters," he said softly.

"No, I don't know if you helped or hindered," I admitted. "I'm not sorry you kissed me, if that's what you mean."

His face flooded with relief. "So you're not mad at me?"

I shook my head, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

Anton reached over and brushed my face with his sleeve, softly and carefully, and I closed my eyes, feeling the scratchy fabric brush against my cheek.

"That looks like a Jedi robe," I pointed out, inhaling a jagged breath.

"I love it," he smiled. "It's virtually indestructible."

I laughed. "Well, our robes certainly don't reflect our lives, then."

"Keelee," his face grew serious again, "I don't want to do anything to hurt you, or mess up what you believe in, or anything like that. If me getting involved with you is going to do any of those things, I'm going to stop it and just leave you alone from now on; just say the word and I will promise it to you."

"It's not that simple," I sighed, taking a deep breath. "Once I am attached, it's very hard for me to sever such a strong bond. Especially one I've been cultivating since day one of meeting a person," I blushed.

His eyes lit up. "You, too…?"

"Yeah," I admitted sheepishly. "Kasen knew, and that's why he and I haven't gotten along. But he went psycho on me. I think that's why Jedi aren't supposed to fall in love – too forceful of personalities to not become jealous and possessive."

He gave me an amused look when I used the word _forceful_, and I laughed.

"No pun intended, right?" he joked.

"Right," I nodded.

"But it's like with Master Obi-Wan, and Anakin," I explained. "I could've hunted down and killed Anakin for what he'd done to all of us, but I still miss him sometimes. I still think about what a wonderful person he _was_. I can't get rid of him, or the memories. And Master Obi-Wan, I found him because of our Force-bond. It's like he's been my Master, we have this Master/Padawan relationship, only deeper. It's almost like being related," I tried to explain. "It's… complicated."

He nodded.

"But with you… it was so strange," I shook my head. "It took me years to get so attached to Kasen, but you…"

"I know what you mean," he said softly. "I've had girlfriends before… well, one or two," he admitted, "but I've never felt this strongly about _anyone_. You can ask my sister, she can see it in me."

I laughed softly. "That bad, huh…?"

"Yeah, you're a regular heartbreaker."

I frowned at his choice of words.

"Sorry," he cringed. "I've got to stop doing that."

"No," I shook my head. "I just have to get used to it."

We shared a conspiratorial grin, and then I dropped my eyes again.

"We'll just have to take it easy," Anton said; I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Yeah," I nodded, "we'll be 'just friends' – even though I don't know what else we could be called…"

"Well," Anton smiled, amused; "if you wanted us to be _more_ than that, you'd be considered my _girlfriend_."

I frowned. "Girl-friend…Aren't I already a friend who's a girl?"

Anton burst into laughter.

_I love that laugh. _I smiled, despite myself.

"No, you… wow, I guess that _does_ sound pretty stupid." Anton wrinkled his nose.

I laughed now, too. "I just don't know much about _these_ sorts of relationships." I shrugged. "When you grow up amongst Jedi, it's not the kind of thing you're taught."

"I can imagine." His infectious grin spread across his face.

"But I have to talk to Master Obi-Wan about this," I wagged my finger at him.

Anton gave me an amused look. "Won't that be awkward?"

A giggle escaped my lips. "Probably..."

"Well then, by all means, talk to Master Obi-Wan about it."

His eyes twinkled, and I looked down, trying not to get lost in them.


	21. Goodnight

After Anton dropped me off at "home" about an hour later, I was standing outside of the cavern-house, staring up at the stars. The excitement and nervous energy coursing through my veins was so pent-up that I found myself doing cartwheels in the sand. It sprayed everywhere, and I started laughing when I was through.

A shadow moved nearby, and I froze.

But the shadow stopped, and leaned against the doorway.

"Hi, Kasen," I said, heart still beating quickly.

"Hello," he said. It was the first cordial word I'd heard from him in months.

I felt very optimistic at this turn of events.

"I… I've missed talking to you," I admitted. I bit my lip.

_You'd better not say anything to hurt him this time._

I heard a soft, cynical laugh. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"I have," I reiterated, turning to face him.

And despite my attraction to Anton, I felt an ache in my chest I hadn't felt around Kasen in a long time.

_This is why Jedi are not supposed to get attached!_

I shook the thoughts away.

"Which is it that you've missed, Keelee -- the possessiveness or the freakiness?"

I heard the teasing undertones, and my heart soared.

_He hasn't turned._

"Both," I grinned.

I heard him laugh, and sighed inwardly.

"I'm sorry," we both blurted, and then we laughed together softly.

"You first," he gestured.

"I'm sorry," I said, "for hurting you, and for pushing you away."

"I'm sorry for turning psycho on you and being jealous and mean," he sighed. "I guess I just… I don't know. I went and saw Obi-Wan—"

"_Master_ Obi-Wan," I corrected him.

"Excuse me. I went and saw _Master_ Obi-Wan, and he set me straight about all this." Kasen explained.

I held my breath. "He 'set you straight'?"

"Yeah," Kasen nodded, "he told me how to relinquish attachment."

I wanted to laugh. "Did he now?"

"Yeah," he said, sounding slightly annoyed. "Why, need some advice?'

I _did _laugh now. "…Basically."

"Well, don't ask me," he laughed. "I still struggle sometimes."

"I think we both do," I added, but wanted to kick myself. _Could I sound any _more_ suggestive?_

"It's just part of being human," Kasen shrugged. "It's something even Jedi can't always grow out of."

"Yeah," I agreed.

We both got quiet, so I just added a quick, cordial goodnight before moving to walk past him, indoors.

But he stopped me by gently reaching out and squeezing my heart—uh, _hand_.

"Keelee," he said softly.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight, willing old feelings not to surface.

_Boy, I suck at that._

"Yes?" I squeaked.

"How about a friendly Master-Padawan hug, you know, for old times' sake?"

I breathed a loud inward sigh of relief. "Sure, Master Johl," I joked.

He reached out and I stepped in, and he held me there, just so—not too close but not too far. I could feel his heartbeat.

It made me nervous.

I pulled away.

"Goodnight, Kasen," I said quickly.

"Goodnight, Keelee." The little bit of light I could see in his eyes revealed the deep sadness in them.

I started to turn away, but then I _felt_ the sadness.

"Kasen… what's wrong?"

He sighed. "Nothing, Keelee. Go to sleep."

"I don't believe you," I said boldly, crossing my arms and planting my feet apart.

"Just go to sleep, Keelee. I'll be fine." He forced a smile.

"Tell me," I pleaded gently. I heard him sigh again.

"One of the ways to relinquish attachment that Master Obi-Wan and I came up with… was _leaving_ for a while."

My heart sank.

"Leaving for a while…?"

"Yes," Kasen nodded. "I'm going to go into seclusion somewhere."

"How long will you be gone?"

"However long it takes," he ran a hand through his dark hair. "Months, _years_…"

_Anton's right… I _am_ a heartbreaker. I could kick myself._

_But I didn't mean to… any more than he did!_

_I am one screwed-up Jedi. No wonder I was never a Padawan._

"I'm so sorry, Kasen." I breathed sadly.

"I'm not," he smiled, reaching up and brushing my cheek with his hand. "This is something I have to do. It's not just you, Keelee. I have a lot of things to work out, and Master Obi-Wan and I believe this is the best way to handle it."

"Well, you must do as our Master says," I smiled, squeezing his hand. This time there was no earthy warmth to it, it was more of a sisterly action, as if I were squeezing Keeloh's hand…

"I will miss you," he said, echoing my thoughts.

"I'll miss you, too," I agreed, trying not to cry.

"I'm leaving in the morning, so I can say goodbye to everyone. But I wanted you to know first."

"I appreciate that," I sighed.

"Now… Goodnight, Keelee."

"Goodnight, Kasen."


	22. Farewell

The next morning, I had risen just before dawn, given Kasen the tightest hug _ever_, and then begged him to drop me off at Master Obi-Wan's hovel on his way to his last day of work at Lana's. (I wasn't going, due to the fact that I couldn't face Anton today with my emotions as unpredictable as they had been.)

"That's _not_ on my way, Keelee," he had laughed.

"But…" I protested. He held up a hand, grinning.

"But, I'll take you anyway." He smiled. "It's the least I can do for a friend."

When we finally reached Master Obi-Wan's secluded hovel (which, he recently had informed me was located in the _Jundland Ruins_ – Thank the Force for wise Masters; I could never survive in this universe alone!), Kasen stopped the speeder and walked over to help me down and out of it. He held both my hands in his own, and stayed that way for a few minutes longer than he should have. I felt tears welling up in my eyes – I was suddenly overcome with great sadness.

"Oh, Keelee," Kasen breathed sadly. I stepped close to him and buried my face in the soft-yet-scratchy fabric his Jedi robe; he rested his cheek atop my head and stroked my hair gently.

He pulled back and looked down into my eyes.

"You tell that Anton Flasgo to --- no, better yet, _I _will tell him _myself_ to take good care of you," Kasen said wistfully.

"Oh, I don't think…"

"I know you don't," he teased, but his eyes shone with a _knowing_.

I inhaled sharply and let go of him, walking into Master Obi-Wan's home by his side. Master Obi-Wan looked pleased to see us, but he didn't seem surprised. I watched somberly as the two Jedi embraced like father and son, smiling to myself. They were both so very different, and yet I loved them both the same, so very much. I had come to realize more and more each day why attachment was not only frowned upon, but _forbidden_ for a Jedi. How can you not fear the loss of your very _heart_?

Despite my growing attachment to Anton (that I strangely did not regret), I knew that Kasen would always be special to me. Saying goodbye to him (if only for a while) now felt like saying goodbye to a brother – like bidding sweet Keeloh farewell. It was nearly depressing, and I had to be mindful of my feelings as to not collapse in despair in Master Obi-Wan's visiting area.

Master Obi-Wan and I followed Kasen outside, to see him off respectfully. Master Obi-Wan gripped his shoulders and told him that the Force would be with him, always. Then they embraced, and Master Obi-Wan disappeared back inside. (_Sigh_, Jedi Masters trusted vulnerable young Padawans far too much.)

As I embraced Kasen for the second and final time, I felt a strange peace – maybe flowing from Kasen himself – and it made me smile.

"Stay out of trouble," Kasen squeezed my shoulders as he instructed, "and mind Master Obi-Wan's wisdom. And be careful with that lightsaber! Next time it could be your ear that I'm holding in my hand." The mischievous twinkle in his eyes gave way to seriousness as he stared hard into my face.

"Never, ever turn your back on the Force, Keelee. It _will_ guide you, if you are willing to listen." His lines went from a serious line to a giant, curved grin.

"May the Force be with you, my young Padawan," he teased.

"May the Force be with you, _Master_ Johl," I teased back.

Both of our eyes were sparkling, I was sure of it. But this time, it was not with tears. It was with a knowing that all would be right again someday. And as he bowed his head respectfully and swung himself into the speeder, our hearts weren't heavy. They were light with the excitement of all the things to come in our new lives, good and bad.

As he turned on the speeder and I listened to its repulsors hum, he turned his head, smiled without his teeth, and tossed me a wink. I playfully blew him a kiss in return.

I watched until the speeder was just a shining dot against the horizon, watched Kasen leave to find his way.

But I knew it wasn't forever.

I just knew.


	23. Counseling

I walked into Master Obi-Wan's kitchen, where he was busy cooking something that did _not_ smell edible. But what did I know – he was a Master, and I was not even technically a Padawan, so I shrugged and tried not to breathe in too hard. I walked over to where he was huddled over the concoction, and stared over his shoulder.

"What'cha got going there?" I asked, grinning.

He backed away, as if he were frightened. "Oh, nothing."

"Master Obi-Wan, what _is_ that blue stuff?"

A tiny blush reddened his cheeks. "_What_ blue stuff?" I saw the subtle flex of his fingers and laughed.

"You're going to have to do better than that, Master Kenobi," I crossed my arms.

"Uh… you're getting _very_ sleepy?" He offered, lifting his shoulders in a questioning stance.

I laughed and shook my head. "Try again."

"Just a little something that helps me to relax."

"Obi-_Wan_," I scolded, conveniently forgetting to use his title of _Master_. "Is that something you _know_ you're not supposed to be drinking?"

He sighed and poured it down the sink.

"I thought you were a rebel," he said, looking over at me with narrowed eyes.

"I thought _you_ were responsible," I shot back.

He threw his head back and laughed; something I had feared he'd never do again. I laughed with him, out of sheer joy that he was feeling well enough to let himself enjoy a stupid moment with anyone, let alone me. It was an honor to be the one to make him laugh.

"I didn't come here to convict you of any crimes against the Council," I exhaled, climbing up and sitting down on a tall, uncomfortable stool. He leaned against the center countertop and raised a reddish brow.

"Oh, really? You aren't an Imperial officer in disguise?" he asked. I wrinkled my nose, confused by his words, but he just smiled. "Do tell me more."

"Well… I've got more problems than just my attachment to Kasen." I bunched up my cheeks, looking across the counter at him.

"Kasen told me about your hair."

I rolled my eyes. "Tattle-tale… No, that's not it."

"He also told me that the reason he got so possessive over you was a new attachment, to another man."

Now the porcelain skin of my face looked absolutely _sunburned_.

"I, uh…"

"You didn't have to tell me, Keelee," Master Obi-Wan smiled. "I could tell, you know."

I exhaled forcefully. "Yes, I figured as much."

"What do you suppose you are going to do about it?"

"Well, I was just trying to ignore it… to will it away…"

"And you thought working at Lana's some more would help that?" He was teasing, but my face was burning scarlet again.

"Well, I didn't think it would _hurt_," I bit my lower lip. "That _was_ stupid of me, wasn't it, Master?"

He just laughed. "Continue."

"As I was saying… I was just going to ignore it until it finally just _went away_, figuring it to be simple childish infatuation, another piece of my rebellious streak against what I'd always been told…"

Master Obi-Wan frowned at this, as if it concerned him.

"It gets worse," I warned him.

"Tell me anyway," he put on a straight face.

"And, ah… yesterday, I went home with him…"

"You _what_!"

"Listen, listen," I patted the air to motion for silence, "his twin sister Annie was there, and he just wanted me to meet her."

"And you thought meeting his sister would help your infatuation go away?"

"Master -- you're making it sound so much _worse_!"

"I'm deeply sorry; do continue." Master Obi-Wan could not hide his amusement.

I glared at him. "So, I met her, and she is a wonderful woman. Very generous and welcoming…"

"Welcoming you into her family?"

"Obi-Wan!" I blurted.

"I can tease you, Keelee, but I'm still considered a _Master_," he said, with such a straight face that I thought he was scolding me. And then he burst out laughing again. Silly laughter, that made me question his sanity.

"Master Obi-Wan, did you have some of that blue stuff before we came?" I stared at him hard, and he instantly quieted.

"Go on with your story," he said quickly.

I smirked. _I'm far too smart and well-trained for those Jedi mind tricks, Master Kenobi. _"Anyway… I was at his house… and Annie left us alone for like, five minutes to unpack her things… and we were just talking… and then…"

"He didn't hurt you, did he?" Master Obi-Wan interrupted.

"No! It was nothing like that. But he did… sort of… _kiss_ me…"

"He kissed you?"

"Yes…"

"Did you kiss him back?"

It was an embarrassing question, to be sure, but whether he was sober or not I knew I couldn't lie to him. I just nodded, looking down.

"And you thought _that _would help you relinquish your attachment?"

"I know it was foolish," I exhaled through my nose, trying not to cry.

"I think it was positively _adorable_." I heard him gush.

My head shot up, and I stared at him, completely thrown off.

"_What_ are you _talking_ about?"

"Well, you already don't like the Jedi views," he slurred. "Just---marry Anton and have---beautiful children like Luke and Leia."

"Master Obi-Wan!"

He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. I stared at him, hard, inspecting his face to make sure he was alright.

"I'm so sorry, Keelee. I haven't been sleeping well… and somebody at the cantina told me they had something that could help… and I had just a little bit a few years ago, and it made me feel warm and tired…"

I threw my head back and laughed. Before I knew it, Master Obi-Wan's laugh had joined my own.

"S---soon you're going to tell me that---that Master Yoda has children, and---and--- that Master Windu was married three times!" I was incredulous at his confession.

"I _am_ sorry, Keelee. I don't want to be a disappointment to you. But I'm afraid my wisdom only goes so far. Master Yoda is much wiser than I; he carries many, many years of experience that I cannot claim. I am probably more confused than you are right now," he sighed, looking at me with sadness in his blue-green eyes.

"You must do what you feel is right. Not what feels _good_, mind you, but what you _know_ in your heart is _right_. The Force will guide you – you only need to listen."

He put his hands on my shoulders, looked me square in the eyes, and smiled.

"May the Force be with you, Keelee Sarai."

"And may the Force be with you, Master Obi-Wan Kenobi."


	24. Epilogue

(Two and a half standard years later…)

…………

_Dearest Master Kenobi,_

_I'm sorry it has been so long since my last holo-com. I know it has been far too long since we've visited, but we are just so busy lately!_

_Kasen returned to Tatooine again a few days ago, as I'm sure you know since he's the one who gave this to you. I was so very pleased to see him, in light of all that's happened. He and I have stayed in touch from time to time, although I'm still clueless as to where he's been all this time. Apparently, he's found himself a wife, which I think is absolutely wonderful. I'm sure he has many amusing stories to tell you._

_I wanted to thank you again (what is this, the millionth time?) for attending the wedding last year, and for not being disappointed in me. I know how honorable the life of a Jedi is, and how dishonorable it has been deemed to leave the Order. But I don't feel as if I have left the Order, but rather, it has grown me up and taught me how to defend myself, and to uphold important standards of compassion and integrity – of honor and discipline. _

_My darling husband has been working on his farm much more lately, with Jovin being so intent on being the strong pair of arms at Lana's shop. I personally think a lot of it has to do with the lovely new girl we hired last month. Ah, how history repeats itself._

_Speaking of Lana, she and I have recently become partners in the coveted tunic business. She gets our suppliers and makes the sales pitch (the fun stuff), I make the little flower patterns – you know, my life-long dream. Ha, ha. _

_You know I am only joking; I am very pleased to be an eighteen-year-old partner in a successful business. I'm still trying to convince Lana to change the name… "Lana's Tunics – Finest in Mos Espa" seems sort of trite, and exclusive. After all, I do half-own our little business, which isn't so little anymore. _

_Yet, despite the glamour of being a farmer's wife and a flower-knitter, the most exciting thing I've been privileged to do as a result of my part in Lana's Tunics was to make a tunic for a Mrs. Beru Lars. When Anton and I delivered it to her home, Mrs. Lars showed me her adorable three-year-old nephew, Luke. Oh, Master Obi-Wan, I could just _feel_ the little one's strength in the Force. Someday, maybe you will be able to train him? …Unless you become much too old and weak for such physical exertion by then; ha, ha._

_I've been longing to expand the business, maybe even to Coruscant, as an excuse to visit there, but Anton says it's far too dangerous with the Empire gaining strength. I wish I could do more to help you in your pursuits of aiding the survivors, but I'm doing my best to remain hidden from their grasp. After learning about the Purge more in depth, it makes my decision to stay safely on Tatooine much easier. Some Jedi would consider that dishonorable in itself, but I have my reasons…_

_Speaking of which, you _must_ come and see the twins very soon! They're nearly three months old now; little Keeloh looks exactly like his father, while Annie is tinier and has my dark hair. No one will ever know they are twins at first glance – they're so very different in appearance, and in temperament! Annie is so mouthy, while Keeloh is sort of shy and is much better-behaved. They really _do_ take after their namesakes…_

_Anton is such a wonderful father. (He says hello, by the way.) There are some days when I can barely stand up straight from all of the waking up the twins do at night, and even after working all day he still manages to help me as much as possible. I know that the Force brought us together, and I do not regret our union. I do hope that someday all Jedi will be permitted to feel such warmth from attachments to their own families, without guilt or sadness. It truly keeps me going, most days – especially the hard ones. I think it was time for a change. At least for me, I know it was._

_I hope you are doing well. Please tell Master Qui-Gon hello for me. I've been keeping myself pretty well-hidden in the Force spectrum… you can never be too careful, especially knowing that the Emperor is supposedly so powerful in the Dark side. I wish somebody would just throw him into a big pit of fire or something. (Sorry, I know we're not supposed to want revenge. I'm still working on being less of a rebel!)_

_I've overcome my bad memory-dreams for the most part. They only come every once in a long while, and I am very grateful to you for sharing with me how you have overcome them. Your suggestions were very helpful, and I'm really starting to let go of it all. Sometimes I still miss them, but I know they are at peace._

_I know this has been very long, but I miss talking to you! If you cannot come out of hiding, Anton and I will have to bring the twins when they are a little older. I'm shaking my finger at you, Obi-Wan; you are not allowed to train them even if they do receive my Force-sensitivity. I'm letting them live their lives as normal little humans, and if the day does come where they discover they are "different", I will explain it to them. In the meantime, the three of us will have to discuss a strategy for when that moment comes along. You know as well as I do that I'm hopeless in the Jedi wisdom department!_

_I will let you get back to your meditation now, as I'm sure you're hard at work keeping yourself attuned to the world beneath the surface. Thank you for checking up on me; things are finally peaceful in my heart again. You were truly the Master I never had, and I am grateful for your wisdom. But for goodness' sake, please leave the blue stuff at the cantina, and do not try to cook ever again! We can't have you exploding another food-processor, can we?_

_May the Force be with you, Master._

_Your favorite "Padawan",_

_Keelee Flasgo_


End file.
